1 At the age of 50, I have discovered that my husband of 17 years is good at jigsaw puzzles. Like really good at jigsaw puzzles. I feel a little weird about it. I thought I was good at jigsaw puzzles. I am not, as it turns out, good at jigsaw puzzles. We may have tapped some hidden talent here. What if this is our ship finally coming in, because I can never do anything the normal way. Is there such a job as Competitive Jigsaw Puzzler Manager Wi…
Six years ago my brain broke. I had a breakdown, several stays in the mental ward, so much therapy, both one-on-one and in group. Though I've experienced some good periods, for example I held a part-time job for two and a half years, it's been mostly a grim struggle. I have therapy once a week, sometimes more often. I'm on medication. Every day I feel like I have to start all over again finding my way. My settings got out of whack an…
Here is a gallery of my favorite DrawSomething drawings from a long time ago when I used to play this game.
I
see a family resemblance to the 20-year old guy on the far right. That's my actual father, Ralph Onofrio. This
band was called The Beret Trio, he's the drummer. Here's me at eighteen.
What do you think, am I an Onofrio?
BOSTON - Being asked to wear a mask as a courtesy wasn't good enough for you, so now your selfishness had to be countered with a law. As of today, everyone over two years old must be wearing a mask when out in public. You're still fighting about it. What don't you understand? The masks are for the good of public safety, to prevent runaway spread of a goddamn contagious, deadly pathogen for which there is no cure. Over 70,000 people …
My stomach is constantly clenching and aching. I'm scared and anxious. But I'm trying not to fixate on the horror and instead be grateful. I am grateful for so many things. I am grateful that: I cook. I cut my own hair, and Joe's hair too. I love where I live. We can still afford cable TV kinda. I married my best friend. I cook. We're living extremely lean because I haven't worked steadily in several years. Since I had my nervous …
Just before I stopped leaving the house altogether, I went for a walk and ran into an older neighbor who told me he is "not buying into all the bullshit." He stood too close and he exhaled his cigarette smoke and he sneered and told me he's just coming home from giving his friend a ride somewhere, that he's not changing anything just because of some virus. He's not the only person that I know who is angrily objecting to the…
When my mom first met Joe, during Christmas some years back (I honestly can't remember which year), she loved him right away. During the evening at one point, she took me aside and said "Have you ever seen The Big Lebowski ?" I laughed and said yes, we'd seen it many times, it's a favorite. She proclaimed that Joe is the Dude, and that's what she started to call him. So now she'll say on the phone, "How'…
Yes, most if not all of us have been in contact with it already! Yet we are all putting up with this bullshit! WTF people wake the fuck up, we locked down stopped it's spread built our immunity so now it's time to get back at it! We have something called an immune system remember, if we didn't the human race wouldn't have survived for thousands and thousands and thousands of years! Notice, I didn't say, get the economy moving…
“So supposing we hit the body with a tremendous, whether it’s ultraviolet or just very powerful light and I think you said that hasn't been checked but you’re going to test it. And then I said supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or in some other way... sounds interesting... And then I see the disinfectant where it knocks [the virus] out [from a surface] in a minute, one minute, and is th…
It's a fierce month of Marpril. It's the Eleventy-ninth of Marpril and the wind is blowing down trees and taking the siding off triple-deckahs in Allston Rock City. It's been a rough month, kids.
When I watch the Celebrity Cruises commercial with the Jefferson Airplane song White Rabbit, I think: What is going on on Celebrity Cruises? That song is about an insane, balls-out acid trip. In the commercial, the woman on the Celebrity Cruise is drifting in and out of consciousness, passing out on a bed, seeing cruise employees appear from out of a cloud. She sniffs a plant at some point and the bartender YANKS it away from her...then puts it…
Joe asked me to make him a witch he could use as a prop for his short movie, "Don't Go In the Basement." Allow me to describe what I made. A seven-foot tall bony crone with long, scraggly hair, draped in black robes. This is who was always suddenly standing in the front room. "Jesus Christ on roller skates," I blurted five times a day at least, the whole time she stood there. I named her Christine for some reason. ⏹
In lieu of a Year in Review, here's a Douglas Adams quote. Whole mood, plus brain medicine. “For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was
more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the
wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done
was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the
dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than
ma…
First there's the round-up of "Shittiest Twitter Takes," where I post tweets displaying the dumbest shit I have ever heard in my life. Like when Donald Trump Jr. threw himself into the Pocahontas attack on Elizabeth Warren by feigning wonder (unconvincingly) as to why people aren't protesting Disney, too. He was trying to push the idea that Disney is just as offensive as president Trump because Disney made an animated story of …
So for two weeks I'm pet-sitting for some oldest/dearest friends. It's one dog and two cats and I'm staying at their house. It's in Brighton, not that far from my house in Allston, so I get the 57 bus and go "visit" Joe every couple of days, making food and hanging out for awhile until it's time to go back to the pack of furfaces currently in my care.
The smoky gray cat has decided he's my bestie. He likes to h…
Thursday is normally when I see my psychotherapist, but this is a holiday week so instead I'll have to tell you guys about my nightmares. If you hate when people tell you their dreams, please click away. If you love picking part what dreams may mean, then you'll love this; it's about my recurring nightmares evolving and merging into one. I am plagued by two dream "themes." These aren't the only kind of dreams I have, b…
“It’s hard to fully understand the motivation of the president.” Yeah, I think we can all agree with Tom Kiernan, chief executive of the American Wind Energy Association, who told the Washington Post in August that Trump is absolutely full of shit when it comes to his bewildering battle against wind energy. I mean, Ted Kennedy (RIP) hated the offshore wind turbines too and fought against them because they'd "ruin the view" of the …
There's a story behind how I even got this photo. It's from September 2015 after our Mel Torme 90th Birthday party. #AfterTheParty
The Russells Brand
Slow Turkey
Clueless
My Pants Turned Two
Old Men Waiting
The Ones
The Rewarded
Pat the Dog
The Wondering
gNot Spider Material Scientists
