Wednesday, April 1, 2020

An Abundance Of Caution: Notes From The Pandemic

Ain't this some shit. (to be continued)∎

Saturday, February 8, 2020

Dear Netflix,

Thank you for keeping the old first-gen iPad supported. I'm so broke and struggling with so much mental-health-wise, this is such a kindness in a cruel world.
Art: Pastels, Sun rays through clouds

Friday, January 31, 2020

Celebrity Cruises

When I watch the Celebrity Cruises commercial with the Jefferson Airplane song White Rabbit, I think: What is going on on Celebrity Cruises? That song is about an insane, balls-out acid trip. In the commercial, the woman on the Celebrity Cruise is drifting in and out of consciousness, passing out on a bed, seeing cruise employees appear from out of a cloud. She sniffs a plant at some point and the bartender YANKS it away from her...then puts it in her drink. This is all very suspish'. I'd steer clear of Celebrity Cruises, you guys. Whoever's taking cruises in this economy. Don't go on that one. Remember what the Dormouse said. ∎

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

"Don't Go In The Basement" | a short film

Joe asked me to make him a witch he could use as a prop for his short movie, "Don't Go In the Basement." Allow me to describe what I made. A seven-foot tall woman, bony with long scraggly hair, draped in black robes standing in the front room. Intellectually I knew that this was nothing but my coat rack, some doll parts, a black sheet, and my raincoat, and not a paranormal hellion from the other side of the veil, I got startled every time I saw her. I even named her, which didn't help. Christine. I made a seven foot witch out of a coat rack and a raincoat. And then I scared the shit out of myself every time I had to walk past Christine. If I'm honest, this is something me and my shattered brain don't need. I have since dismantled her, but damn, Jesus take the wheel. ⏹

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Happy New Year 2020

In lieu of a Year in Review, here's a Douglas Adams quote. Whole mood, plus brain medicine.

“For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.”

Some Blogs I Didn't Post in 2019 (Happy New Year)

First there's the round-up of "Shittiest Twitter Takes," where I post tweets displaying the dumbest shit I have ever heard in my life. Like when Donald Trump Jr. threw himself into the Pocahontas attack on Elizabeth Warren by feigning wonder (unconvincingly) as to why people aren't protesting Disney, too. He was trying to push the idea that Disney is just as offensive as president Trump because Disney made an animated story of Pocahontas. Then there's world class boneheads Diamond and Silk, defending their idiot president on the matter of racist terms he used. These two clowns are suggesting that the dictionary must also be racist then, as it contains the same words that Trump used, so they'd like to challenge us based on "Is the dictionary racist, too?" There's about ten more of these shitty takes, but five or six of them are related to our embarrassment of a president, and I don't want to waste my time with words about him. So I didn't write that "Twitter Shittiest Takes" blog post.

Another blog post I didn't write is my round-up summary of all the ways people use Facebook and how there's one particular style of Facebooker that I find interesting. It's all the people who rush to write a post every time some little thing goes wrong or is inconvenient, it's like they cannot WAIT to tell us all about their hardship (they got the wrong coffee order, or the car needs a new tire) and these outrages are often marked by an exuberant FML or TFW. Everything else is a piece of news, a sweet photo, an adorable anecdote, or a lovely memory. These are like micro newsletters.Taken all together, their posts comprise an authentic micro-blog. Coming back to Facebook, I see how much I've missed. I didn't know Adam and Maureen got married. I didn't know Brian moved to LA. I didn't know Lisa switched to a new job, or has a podcast. I didn't know Walter has become slim as a blade! Inspirational! I didn't know Max has had poems published, how big Archer has grown, or that Cynthia has a new book out. I didn't know Amy is baking amazing breads. Scrolling back through posts, it's a composite, authentic sketch of how your friend has been doing. It's not practical to sit and write letters back and forth to each other...we are not permitted that kind of time anymore. Facebook posts take the place of correspondence, and I find it a bit nice. So now I'm torn about deleting my account as planned. Fucking Zuckerberg. I'm having a moral dilemma over walking out on this twerp?

I didn't write the blog post about returning to therapy last May and all that entails. As it turns out, I still need help. I'm on a new medication since October, actually on two new ones...three if you count trying out Prazosin. That one's for nightmares. It didn't seem to work for me at all, so I stopped taking it. There's been a lot going on with my mental health this year. I miss my brain. I'm tired. I'm broke. I can't focus, I can't work. I need help.

Finally, I was thinking of writing a blog post about Family. Lack thereof, more specifically. My grandmother Maggie had eleven siblings which would have been my mom's aunts and uncles, and they all had kids who would be my mom's cousins, who have kids who would be my second cousins, who have kids who would be my second cousins once removed if I understand how that works. In theory there's a big rollicking family on my mother's side who don't know who I am or that I even exist. As a child I had met few of them. But as I sit here, I don't know their names or where they live. Why didn't I get to have that family? I don't know the answer to how did that happen? Isolation from the family has never been adequately explained to me. I feel robbed of this thing I never had. In addition to that, then there's the two fathers and their families, these relations I can't even begin to explain. Most I have never met. More recently, there has been Joe's family, who don't really like me all that much, but at least they go through the motions, more than I can say for the vast family who didn't know me, didn't want me, never attempted to even try. Before this expanse of relations, I stand alone and confused and wonder if there's anything I could have done about it, but fret what would that have possibly been? 👪
Image: coloringpagesfortoddlers.com