Friday, May 18, 2018


Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Sunday, May 13, 2018

I'm a Blogger On My Mother's Side?

We do not have your typical mother-daughter relationship, JoAnna and I, but what we lack in tradition we certainly make up for in...well I don't have a word for it yet.

Take today's realization. You guys will get a kick out of this. This is bananaballz, and how fitting a thing to randomly occur on Mother's Day.

Joe is writing some new songs in French, so I was rooting through my junk trunk looking for an X-rated French comic book that I know I have somewhere around here, when I saw my baby book.

This thing is a baby shower item for sure. It's called Through Baby's First Years with Dr. Dafoe. Inside, it's illustrated with sweet watercolor paintings of cherubic baby girls. There are empty spaces and the idea is that mom fills in the book with important dates, such as date and time of baby's arrival, first spoon feeding and so forth. There's also spaces to fill in names, like doctors, godparents, and people who came to my first birthday party. Dr. Dafoe includes useful snippets of advice and what-to-expect notes about babyhood such as nursing, first teeth, talking and playthings. In this manner, moms of the 1970s could chronicle the milestone events in a baby's first five years up to kindergarten.

JoAnna didn't fill out the whole five years. Her last page is my third birthday. That makes sense because I know what was going on with her when I was three. I'm sure it was a crazy time. On this third birthday page, the list of presents and who gave them to me is crazy. Some guy John gave me five bucks! Who the hell is John? And Benny? Benny gave me three bucks. In 1970, three bucks was like twenty bucks by today's standards. Benny, you're good people, Benny. I will make a list of my patrons, Benny, and it shall be called the Benny List.

I have no idea what happened to my book's cover, it's just a handful of yellowish bound pages. Even if it had its cover, this thing would still be a mess because it's been cut apart with scissors.

So half-finished, fading and falling apart? I'd say that's about right. Hi.

Wholly missing is every single photo that had been glued into the square spaces provided throughout the book. These empty squares have titles such as Baby At One Day, Baby at One Month, Baby's First Birthday and so forth.The photos aren't totally missing, I mean I know where they are back at my mom's house. I vaguely remember these photos. 

You guys, she wrote down when I started to brush my own teeth (two and a half) and the day I got my first haircut. There's even a swatch of my baby hair. She wrote down my first three words (Mommy, No, and Bye Bye, which is kind of too hilarious actually) and exactly when I said them.

I tell everyone that my blog is going to be 20 years old in 2020, the same year I turn 50? Well actually, as it happens, my mom started my blog for me the very day I was born. It turns out that I'm a Blogger on my mother's side.

My mother keeps on knocking me out with new things all the time. Is there nothing this woman can't do? Fer fuck's sake, you guys. 😊

Happy Mother's Day, JoAnna,
you extraordinary superhero.

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Deadline White House with Nicolle Wallace

"He is a titanic, and I mean TITANIC fraud. We have listened to this guy for many, many years in this country, on his moral high horse, assaulting the dignity of gay people, across the board. His moral preening is famous throughout the land, yet he is the most obsequious of all of Trump's cultists in the cabinet. ...We have never seen such slobbering servility by a high government official in this country than we do with Mike Pence and Donald Trump. It is amazing." - Steve Schmidt

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Sometimes I Look At My Life

Michael Avenatti: ...check my bio and you will find over a billion worth of verdicts and settlements.

Me: What's the deal with this rock.
You know, if things had been different, I could totally have been the brilliant lawyer for a splendid porn star. I'm sure of it.

Saturday, May 5, 2018

Mitt Freakin' Romney


"You know, I think it's about envy. I think it's about class warfare."  Full story (opens in new page)

“My favorite meat is hot dog, by the way. That is my favorite meat,” Romney said. “My second favorite meat is hamburger. And, everyone says, oh, don’t you prefer steak? It’s like, I know steaks are great, but I like hot dog best, and I like hamburger next best.” Full story (opens in new page)

   Full story (opens in new page)

Thursday, May 3, 2018

Schadenfraude...on the first anniversary of The Fyre Festival Fiasco


The Fyre Festival was a music festival scheduled to take place on the Bahamian island of Great Exuma over two weekends in April and May 2017. (Wikipedia)

1934 villain (Babes in Toyland)
1986 villain (Pretty in Pink)

Saturday, April 28, 2018

Monday, April 23, 2018

Admiral Jackson: Let's All Take A Beat

About these allegations against Admiral Jackson. This is a puzzling story. I smell a rat.

First of all, these salacious stories about Admiral Jackson's history of excessive drinking and rage-fueled abusive rants are just rumors, at this point. That's the word missing from this national gossip train. I'm disappointed and pissed at the media furor that's treating this like it is all fact. Maybe it'll be proven true, but does it really ring true? Have the ring of truth? Because I don't hear it. I hear a Bullshit Alarm.

You've got this guy, the White House doctor. He's career military and by all accounts an outstanding person and a terrific doctor. He's had a stellar record, he's decorated. He's been repeatedly recognized by people we trust. 

So what is this really about? Something is off about this whole thing.

Is Shonda Rhimes writing this season of America?

Rumors make for sensational "news" but it is worrisome to me that all these accusations against Admiral Jackson are only coming from one single guy, Senator Jon Tester.

Tester is claiming that there are dozens of people coming forward telling him these things anonymously, but how do we know that? I don't know anything about Tester. He sounds like an Onion article name made-up. Maybe he's fabricating these allegations. Or maybe he is actually getting this information revealed to him, as he says, anonymously, but then again maybe it's the same person sending him dozens of claims. That would be so easy to pull off and any number of motives for some Washington swamp rat, who knows. We don't know that these allegations are true, is the point. There is no evidence, and so far as we know there has been no inquiry. No corroboration. 

Not only is this all, so far, nothing but a crazy rumor told by a lesser-known Senator, but to my ear there is something too same-y about the phrasing and the vocabulary used in all of these "anonymous" reviews of Dr. Jackson. It's too specific or something, more than what could be accounted for by the fact that these tattlers are all military. I can't explain exactly why, but it sounds like a bunch of baloney.

IF there's any truth to the claims against Admiral Jackson, then the top three questions would be:

A) Which leaders above Jackson knew, all these years, that he was acting in this terrible way, and rather than discipline him or demote him, let him keep working up through ranks? 

That just doesn't sound like how it works.

B) If it's all true, how the hell was it so well-hidden?  

It seems so unlikely that such a long, violent record wouldn't have been made known by staffers from the previous administrations. I never agreed with W ever in his whole stupid Presidency, but I can't see Georgie knowing about all this and giving the doc a pass. He's a simple man, but he's not mean-spirited. He's a dolt of a leader, but a right proper American patriot. I'll always give W that mission accomplished. And Obama, no. Barack would not let that shit slide, come on. Ruling out "they knew and did nothing," then that leaves "they didn't know," so I ask how the hell was it so well-hidden? Washington is the sunken place where we get opinions for weeks when a President says he doesn't like a certain kind of vegetable. Obama was hated so vociferously by this new breed of McConnell-fanned Republican that, had this scandal been part of his White House, we'd have heard about it, don't you think?

C) If these allegations are true, wouldn't all that behavior count towards being susceptible to blackmail, which is the single biggest red alert for anyone employed by the White House, we now know because now everything is so insane that ordinary people know shit like that? 

Thanks to the never-ending parade of Trump clowns tripping each other in this circus of an administration, we all now know exactly what it takes to get cleared through the FBI vetting process. The average American has been made painfully aware of where the bar is, and what places a White House staffer firmly below the acceptable. You smoke a metric ton of pot? Thank you for letting us know, you are good to go, do a good job and God Bless America. But if you're coming into the White House hiding a secret so big that it could get you fired and court-martialed, that's a whole different thing.

Dr. Jackson, this does not look good, sir. 

Another possibility is that this Dr. Jekyll actually has been pulling off this sinister double life all these years, and in fact has been blackmailed over it already. Because this is the man who looked into the face of America and told us all that Donald J. Trump weighs 239 and is super healthy. There's a reason a whole segment of America went, "Ohhhhhh, I get it now." Because nobody could figure out why he'd spout those blatant falsehoods. Dr. Jackson definitely did undermine his own character that day, and people have been waiting for a motive to make itself apparent. 239, man? Come on. You know we can SEE him. What. Are you doing.

The other weight on the scale against Dr. Jackson's integrity is the part about offering sleepy-time and wakey-wakey drugs on the international flights. That does ring true. Is it maybe not so good...yeah, not so good, but doesn't it seem like every White House doc has helped out the people on these long international flights? It sounds like it's a widely-known "secret" amongst the members of the press, and now they're gleefully reporting it like it's shocking, I tell ya, just shocking. 

But that's exactly how you lend credence to outrageous rumors: by attaching them to something that is true. All the members of the press who have personally taken part in the the sleepy-time/wakey-wakey party on the plane (or have heard about it) know that happened, and so the rest of it seems just as likely to be true...?

Let's all take a beat. Guys, you need to be doing better. This is going to turn out to be a total fiasco.

True or completely made up fairy tales, either way, shouldn't these Tester accusations have been investigated and thoroughly corroborated BEFORE Tester went public with them? Isn't the first call to the FBI, not to MSNBC? How bizarre. Is that even legal? Isn't there a law or something? I didn't go to law school (regrets) but somethin' somethin' innocent until proven guilty? Isn't that like the FIRST THING?

All that being said, Admiral Jackson's qualifications do not meet the minimum required for the job that idiot nominated him for, that was never going to happen. Then again, look who we f**king elected. ∎