I flunked Thursday. It was raining, I was PMSy, then the power went out at around three. Nstar said it was the whole neighborhood (a damaged wire, no doubt waterlogged) and wouldn't be back on until 5:30. All I'd been doing was watching The Ghost Whisperer, and only halfway paying attention anyway. So I gave up. Forget it, I said. There's no point. I got into bed and didn't get up again until 8:15. My bedtime -- or at least the …
It's raining outside, and it's raining in my head, and I'm afraid that no amount of deep breathing is going to help me today. I'm using all of the positive affirmation emails and blog comments from so many people, absorbing the words and taking them deep into my soul all to keep me bolstered with hope that anyone can get through depression.
As long as one keeps busy.
Despite the urge to go back to bed forever.
Over-the-fence spontaneous chat with kindly neighbor who empathizes makes for a good distraction on a day when I'm feeling the jitters. This is a guy who drove me to the psych ward the second time I went, when I was in a state of tearful despair and couldn't even cope. I thanked him again. "What are friends for?" he said. If you can give a ride to the loony bin on five minutes' notice, you are a friend for life.
Yesterday I needed a Klonopin to get through it. The day, I mean.
The problem is that life doesn't stop for depression and anxiety issues. You still have to deal with shit. For example, I have this student loan that's due, $122 every month, and I'm out of money in my bank account. It's just down to pennies. The well is dry. The $122 is the bucket that's going to reach mud in the bottom of the well. For that, I just have to m…
ANTs are "Automatic Negative Thoughts" and the phenomenon works something like this according to the founder of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), Dr. Beck. Beck wrote that basically you can't help this army of negative thoughts from entering your brain, they just do. You find yourself saying "I'm a failure" and "I can't do this" and "I suck." These thoughts influence what you then actually do,…
I spent part of yesterday in the ER, because my heart was racing and I felt jittery all over like a rubber band that someone was constantly thwanging. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. They gave me an EKG. I was amazed to find that I was fine and all my vitals checked out. So my physical symptoms, it was all just the anxiety. Amazing what anxiety can cause, physically. They gave me an Atavan to calm me and watched me for two hours a…
Hub and Kelly came over with the kids on their way back home from his dad's place. I made a sauce and fried up some eggplant slices, Caprese and green salads and bread. We had an awesome visit, and I need a serious nap now! My face hurts from laughing. Gabe and Lucy are two of the happiest, most expressive and friendly little people.
While I am on a Low Budget Superhero hiatus please enjoy the diary archives, explore the awesomeness under the linked sites, and listen to the Voice of Vashon's limitless musical excellence. If you need me, get in touch on gmail (it's my name, no caps, no gaps) or use the contact form below.
I am at my Jenny's house in Foley, Alabama. They got good stuff down here. I'ma come back way fatter. This is Jenny's dog, Custer. Custer mad because I woke him up when I got out of bed. Sorry, dog. (Click to embiggen dog)
Rolling Stone magazine put the face of the Boston Marathon bomber on its cover this month. The tension is high, the heated discourse is still underway, and of course fire burns hottest at the center so here in Boston it's a divisive issue. On one side of the divide, outrage. On the other side, here comes the splainy-face, finger-wagging crowd that likes to pretend intellectual superiority. These are "don't be a crybaby" naysay…
That monster saw a black
boy walking in his neighborhood, followed, taunted, confronted and shot that boy for no goddamn reason. George Zimmerman should be in jail.
My heart, my soul, my mind all ache for Trayvon, his friends, his family and everyone in
America whose expectations were dashed last weekend. George Zimmerman is a predator who hunted and killed a boy just because he thought he could get away with it, and now the law has shocked …
Remember bringing home your math book for
the first time? Everything was new, there were symbols and fractions and
apples being added up and subtracted. It was fun. Most kids start out thinking school
is awesome. Some keep that enthusiasm, but a lot of kids lose it, and for those little guys, school is a drag.
But what happens to that early enthusiasm?
Maybe it's because I'm a * card-carrying member of the TV-addled generation who can remember a time when "the news" was actually the news , but I am sick of all the crap , know what I'm sayin'? People are tripping. It's too much. * It's just an old defunct video store membership card.
In our super low budge deadest-end of Connecticut's ramshackle urban sprawl, we got the daily local , The Waterbury Republican , …
It's been awhile, sorry about that. I had a pretty rough April. Wasn't feeling much like myself. Airports, chaos, sweat, tears, rental cars, exhaustion. Las Vegas, for that work trip. This time I'm not just mouthing off when I say that I am never. Doing that trip. Again. Ever.
In other news, Joe and I got married in Vegas.
I'm really out of patience. Out. The well is dry. I am done tolerating outrageous lies broadcast by one bonehead and parroted by a thousand more. As I sit here writing what should be a wholly unnecessary post, the Boston Marathon bomber has been captured about three miles away, in Watertown. So why is this post necessary? Because people who can't even find Chechnya on a map are suddenly law enforcement experts nattering on about this ki…
Given that Facebook has rendered life quite non-linear, socially-speaking, I've actually got my St. Margaret's School friends at hand. That's weird on a daily basis, but oddly comforting and makes me smile. Today I raise a question that I haven't thought about in years, can't wait to hear your take on it. A friend raised the question recently and I found myself fascinated...School uniforms. Good idea, bad idea, or makes no d…
We're pretty much trapped in a sinister new pluto-theocracy where we willfully vote for bible-bangers and billionaires to dictate a rigid societal
and economic construct with little hope of resurrecting the faded idea of the American Dream. God and Greed, working side by side, dismantling America brick by brick. But what's really pissing people off is having to remove their
shoes at the airport.
It was Sunday morning and I was performing that universally-endured household ritual of purging the fridge before stocking up on whatever science experiment fodder is passing for food these days.
"You don't want this?"
"No,
it's dead," I said, glancing over to see that Joe was holding up a bottle of Bloody Mary mix I'd just put into the the thanks-for-coming pile, along with a shriveled lump of ginger that had…
Fifteen years and a whole bunch of copycats later, I still say that it's a miracle we ever heard of The Blair Witch Project .
That being said, if you haven't seen it, go ahead and give it a shot,
if only because it's an early bringer of the popular "found footage"
motif, and for that it deserves a a nod. Happy 15th, Blair Witchers!
Okay, I'm on record (somewhere) as saying that the only people terrified by The Blair Wi…
I got this book from the library called "The Mindful Way Through Depression," and it's been very helpful. It's even got a CD for mindful meditation exercises.
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