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Showing posts with label War on Women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label War on Women. Show all posts

Friday, February 10, 2017

The Revolution Will Be Digitized (Because F**k This Guy)

Every generation needs to find a way to come to terms with its dark years. Slavery, Chinese encampment, Japanese persecution. Here is what people have been asking themselves throughout the recorded history of humans: "If I were alive during [mass persecution of any one group] and saw what was happening, what would I have done?" Three weeks into the Trump administration, you no longer have to wonder what you would have done. What you are doing right now is what you would have done.

Mankind reels with every reign of ruthless fear-mongers and their followers, then we study the events for decades so that we can figure out what went so horribly wrong. Statesmen debate and scholars write stentorian tomes about what critical path led to so many wrong choices that it seemed like a good idea to enable and support the Hitlers, the Mussolinis, the Stalins of the world. How do we keep crowning these pompous, deadly would-be kings?

And then there's America. What happened? Who looks at a Donald Trump and says hey, yeah, THIS is our leader, for sure. The unqualified buffoon was elected on a platform of anti-everything except his own interests. Donald Trump is just some tacky real estate quasi-millionaire that has more money than class, and knows exactly squat about the job he's been "elected" to do. Donald Trump chooses to be a crude, loudmouth braggart over being a decent person, because that's what he thinks it means to be a man. He's no leader. He is without honor. All he has ever wanted is the world's largest audience to know his name. He's gotten that, for all the wrong reasons. Wow.

One might think that certain Americans fail to make the connection between "then" and "now" in any meaningful way. Why is that? All that most Americans want is for our darkest years to be behind us. From "America the Beautiful" to the "shining city on a hill," we strive as a people to lead by example in civil rights, freedom and due process.The intention is so sincere, but how we make that happen is a big mystery. Only it's really not. It starts in first grade.

Education: We're Doing It Wrong 

Early childhood education has done, and is still doing, a gargantuan disservice to America and in turn the world, and nobody seems to care. What a shame. We need to do better. We should teach American history to kids in an accurate way, including the harder facts. In fact, these facts, when learned and discussed, will make it even easier to teach all of the greatness that followed: if you connect HISTORY with ART HISTORY and literature, poetry and music, then we'll be turning out some better-adjusted, level-headed kids who have a chance at developing critical thinking. What we're doing is the opposite of that. For example? Thanksgiving is bullshit.

🦃
I said what I said. Thanksgiving is Bullshit

Here's a message from Generation X: Our history books were ridiculous. Teaching American children an entirely fictionalized Thanksgiving story as though it were actual history for hundreds of years is the sort of casual propagandizing that poses problems for literally all of mankind. Instead of teaching the real history to its kids, the American education system went a whole 'nother way. They all got together and came up with these ridiculous fairy-tales instead, and those were repeated and perpetuated. How come we don't call it what it was? A massive disinformation campaign. The so-called history of Thanksgiving they taught us is nothing but myth, sold as factual, and it is a perfect example of how we were steered entirely wrong on some major, important stuff. What tales were told, what facts we were graded upon, we had to spend the rest of our lives figuring out how to "un-know." It's been exhausting. We're exhausted, just so you know.
Related image
Even the Brady Bunch got involved.

Instead of corn and turkeys, that history lesson should go like this:

"Disgruntled religious fanatics sailed ashore from Europe, some bragging that they'd found India. Even when that claim was found to be wholly incorrect, later colonists still insisted upon calling the natives "Indians" and "savages." This would later be written about by historians as an early harbinger of a new kind of American "identity politics" that carried forward and continues today, wherein whole groups of people would be systematically dehumanized by those in power, in order to justify murder and call it a good deed. In the century that followed, the colonists spoke of noble ideas, but the newcomers played dirty. For example, a gift of warm blankets were deliberately disease-ridden, meant to kill off many natives. Whoever survived, they slaughtered or drove off, then called their land "real estate" and that's why we have Donald Trump.

The colonists built churches in which to congregate and praise themselves for being such good people. At times they were good people...in addition to all that bloodshed, also they invented democracy, started many libraries, colleges and universities and wrote the Bill of Rights." 

My generation got the same short-shrift in history of slavery, women's rights and a whole host of other fraught topics. Stop teaching cutesy fables about American history, because we tried that and it is not working out.

North and South

Here's another example. Why does Bubba not know that the biggest affront to the American flag is his Confederate flag? Bubba doesn't know that he's flying the wrong flag. No one taught him that Robert E Lee was a traitor to America. Not a hero. Bubba's history book was ridiculous, and NOW WE HAVE DONALD TRUMP. That's your fault, Education people. You did that. American History is largely horrifying but we need to be teaching the truth about it, as atrocious as our forebears acted a great deal of the time. But think of what gets opened up, then, once the atrocity is taught and discussed. That's when teachers have the opportunity to teach ideas, not rote memorization of dates. Teach great ideas of evolving civilization, not rote memorization of state and country capitals. Teach history in such a way that people will understand how repeating the unjust parts will affect the country and the world. All of it,  from the first Pilgrims on Plymouth Rock to the War of 1812 to the American Revolution to the 60s up through today. Teach when the gears of progress attempted to atone for past atrocities, and what we learned as a people. 

Image result for muslim ban sign bostonHope in the Golden Age of Content

Up to Generation X, the nation's leaders decided what was taught and that became our textbook, end of story. But now, more than at any time in our history, we all have access to literally everything and it's right in our pockets. We have all the books. We have all the music. We have all the art. "Knowing" is here to stay, and this is the first time "knowing" is democratic. At one time, only wealthy people had access. But now "knowing" has been democratized, to the point where a wrong fact can be instantly Googled and refuted. It's a whole new age, and isn't it wonderful? Not only do we have access to the whole of history in our pockets, but we can tell each other about it, and talk about it real-time. We can unpack current events with lightning speed now.  We have this 24/7, cross-generational, income-agnostic way to communicate real-time. As much as it can suck living our lives tethered to the digital omnisphere, technology connects us to each other as individuals, and connects modern civilization to our fraught past. Social media amplifies the great numbers saying "Not today, motherfucker." Twitter, Facebook, Podcasts and Youtube give us this cloud-based babel fish. [Related: tba]

Boston Then

How hard must it have been to generate a resistance in Boston over two centuries ago. Wow. Even sending coded messages at the speed of a strong horse-and-rider, they would have used extreme caution, never knowing friend or foe since that kind of backtalk could get you shot for treason. The Boston Tea Party is a pretty big feature in the American timeline. That's when a different kind of first shot was fired back, at tyranny of the elite. Enough people got together that were finally sick enough of the king's shit that they didn't care anymore about his man-baby reaction. Did those rebels know what would happen the next day, or the next century? Did you know that the tea party numbered only 144 people who were all "fuck this guy"?

Boston Now

Did you see how fast that January 21 Women's March got rolling? It boggles, the insane logistics that must have gone into pulling together a march so global. There was the building and promoting of a responsive website, Twitter and Facebook pages. They needed city permits, awareness-building on a nationwide level. People made travel plans, carpooled to DC. And what began in DC spread to the nation's cities. Then it went global right down to the pussyhats. People from Boston to Belgrade knitted their asses off. Stores sold out of poster board and pink yarn. People who have never marched for anything in their lives, linked up and made themselves known. Strength, courage. In numbers. All in about five weeks' time from idea to the biggest global rally in the history of the world. This means something. This means everything. This time, in Boston we were 120,000 to 150,00 strong, because fuck this guy.

The Revolution Will Be Digitized

If you've been paying attention, not just now but this whole time you've been alive, you'll recognize that the situation in America has reached grave proportions. As a nation we are in serious, historical trouble here. We are in the next-level kind of trouble that will take centuries to resolve should we continue to make the wrong choices. Choice as individuals, as our family values, and choice as a united nation.

When you learned about Hitler, you may not have caught that if Czechoslovakia had not given Hitler the Sudetenland, the dark years that followed might have been avoided. Good people believed Hitler when he promised that he would go no further. The lesson "Liars are always the wrong choice" still hasn't sunk in AND NOW WE HAVE DONALD TRUMP.

He's got to go. Because, seriously, fuck that guy. ∎

"The revolution will be digitized." - Goddamn Glenn (Photo by Honey Pie)

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Here She Comes, Miss America

The top five contestants in the 4-6 year old group 
wait to be judged in the Little Miss Perfect contest. 
Look at their expressions. How is this okay?
Stop surrounding infant baby girls in all-pink-everything.

Stop buying girl toddlers play kitchens, tiny vaccuum cleaners and little plastic shopping carts.

Stop with the constant deluge of Disney princesses on every single item that a little girl uses in her day.

Stop eroticizing little girls.

Stop calling little girls who like math and science "nerds" or "geeks," even if you mean it lovingly.

Stop telling grade school girls that when boys hit you it means they like you.

Princess Culture is harmful.
Five-year old Ainsley didn't care for Princess Day.
We love her, (June 2016)
Stop saying boys who aren't good at baseball "throw like a girl."

Stop saying girls who are good at sports play "like a boy."

Stop telling little girls they're bossy.

Stop insulting your own body in the mirror where she can see you.

Stop supporting the notion that size 8 is a "plus" size.

Stop referring to vaginas and breasts using silly words, just say vagina and breasts. These are not bad words.

Stop treating the female body like it's an unwholesome, dirty thing.

Stop policing what middle school & high school girls are wearing and sending them home to change because they are "distracting" to boys. It is not their job to ensure that boys pay attention in class.

Stop supporting teen girl magazines that push a shallow beauty-first agenda.

Sept 2016
Stop beauty contests, it's a ridiculous and outdated institution.

Stop calling college girls "co-eds" finally, please, since 1875 was a long time ago. They're all just called "students" now. It's been time to let "co-ed" go for about a hundred years.

Stop celebrating the "beauty is pain" tradition through overdoing the whole hair removal thing, too-high heels, nylons, fake eyelashes, fake tans, fake teeth, fake lips, fake breasts. It's time to get real.

Stop hating yourself for not looking like fashion models. Fashion models don't even look like fashion models.


Stop making light of rape. Rape is a horrific violent crime. Rape is not a compliment. Rape is not a punchline.

Stop shaming and blaming the victims of sexual assault. What she's wearing, how much she drank and whether or not she takes the pill are irrelevant.

Stop remaining silent about restrictive legislation on the female reproductive system, because we are not going back and that's the end of discussion, pal.

Stop supporting a right wing "family values" agenda that is merely one battle in the over-arching war on women.

The Republican panel at the House Oversight and Government Reform committee hearing on contraception. 
Five pussies, zero vaginas, no balls.
(Feb 16, 2012)
Stop letting anyone deny there's a conservative war on women.

Stop confronting childless women about why they don't have children. It's none of your business.

Stop confronting busy professional women about why they have children if they're still going to work. It's none of your business.

Stop acting like it's cute when dads take care of their kids. The "clueless dad" stereotype stopped being a thing a long time ago, and today's dads are rockin' it.

Stop casting movies with old actors in romantic relationships with young actresses, passing over appropriately-aged actresses for being too old. It's creepy and weird.

Stop saying "boys will be boys." It's never used to describe decent behavior.

Stop letting anyone refer to household chores or toys or games or hobbies based on gender. Boys need to feel comfortable cooking, sewing, cleaning etc, and girls need to learn there is no such thing as "women's work."



Stop pretending that the act of "mansplaining" doesn't exist.

Stop overusing "mansplaining." It doesn't mean men merely explaining things. Save it for the real thing, that is when a man is interrupting a woman in order to condescendingly correct her, incorrectly, in subject matter where she is the expert and he is not.


Stop unnecessary gender qualifiers such as "all girl band" and "woman-led corporation" and "female author." Unless gender pertains to the central point, it is irrelevant.

Stop letting anyone get away with telling women that sexism is all in our minds. It's not in our minds, but it is on our minds, for the simple reason that we live it every day.

Just stop. ∎

Saturday, October 8, 2016

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL: Stop Competing In Beauty Contests

feministfightclub.com
Hey, Women,

Hi, how ya doing? So yesterday was weird, right? Two days before the second Presidential debate, an old tape surfaced that shows the Republican nominee bragging about how he forcefully gropes and kisses any woman that he finds attractive, married or not. Then the internet exploded. Why this latest pile of word vomit is worse than any other in his relentless spew, I couldn't say. Same shit, different day with this clown, innit? When will he go back to that cheap-ass castle of his and get the hell off TV, right? I guess what I'm thinking today is: why this time? He's been spewing this kinda thing like, literally, the whole entire time I've been alive. "Trump is a joke" is like "coffee is hot." Wait. That is a chilling analogy. Fer fuck's sake, what is happening right now. Mitt Romney got creamed in 2012 just for saying he had "binders full of women," when all he meant was he'd collected the curriculum vitae of many women qualified for top jobs. Surely, this is Trump's swan song, right?

Monday, March 25, 2013

Mansplainers LLC

It was Sunday morning and I was performing that universally-endured household ritual of purging the fridge before stocking up on whatever science experiment fodder is passing for food these days.

"You don't want this?"

"No, it's dead," I said, glancing over to see that Joe was holding up a bottle of  Bloody Mary mix I'd just put into the the thanks-for-coming pile, along with a shriveled lump of ginger that had escaped notice for so long that it felt like the hollow corpse of some mummified sea creature. I tossed it, along with a chunk of galvanized cheese and half a cucumber that didn't make it.

"It's expired," I added, unnecessarily in my opinion, given that the inside of the Bloody Mary bottle neck was crusted with a fairly unappetizing brownish, pulpy muck. My man, the love of my life, has never to my knowledge consumed a single Bloody Mary, but at that moment he was very much advocating for this old bottle that, if memory serves, was bought way back in December for our New Year's Eve party.

"Are you sure?" he asked a second time.

"Joe, it's expired. Could you please not keep asking me if I'm sure? You always do that. Don't you think I can tell if the expiration date is in the past or the future?"

Argument ensued. Details unimportant. I apologized later because the fight wasn't even ours. It belonged to me and my coworkers, me and my bosses, me and the electrician, me and the building manager, me and the Peapod guy.

The truth is that my anger has been growing lately over constantly being questioned, second-guessed and talked-over by men, personally, professionally and politically. In Joe's defense, he is not an habitual mansplainer, he was only the bringer of the proverbial last straw for this week. In that moment, I'd had it with having to reiterate, prove and defend my simplest actions because of men hard-wired to assume that women don't know what they're talking about.

Rebecca and the Men Who Explain Things

The term "mansplaining" is a fairly new addition to the modern cultural lexicon, but even if they haven't yet seen any of the numerous articles, all women instantly understand the term the first time they hear it. We live it every day. The expression was coined after a 2008 article by writer Rebecca Stolnit in which she describes an encounter with a party host who, once he learned of her interest in the subject matter, doggedly insisted on educating her about a certain book she must read. It required several tries before "Mr. Very Important" would finally be made to understand that this extremely vital book he was attempting to tell her about was her book.
Being told that, categorically, he knows what he's talking about and she doesn't, however minor a part of any given conversation, perpetuates the ugliness of this world. Several years ago, I objected to the behavior of a couple of men, only to be told on both occasions that the incidents hadn't happened at all as I said they had, that I was subjective, delusional, overwrought, dishonest -- in a nutshell, female.
 -  Rebecca Stolnit, "Men Who Explain Things," Los Angeles Times, April 2008
Talk about "however a minor part of any given conversation." There's Joe with the stupid expired drink mix. There's the Peapod guy, who, I kid you not, just put me through this conversation yesterday morning.
"We have a grocery delivery scheduled for you this morning, ma'am. Did you move?"

"No."

"No?!"

"No, we did not move. We're still at *****."

"But it says here you moved."

"I don't know what you're reading, but we have been at this address nearly three years."

"...ooookay..."
It's important to note that his voice changed on "okay." Where before he'd been persistent, confident in his facts. At the end he exhaled the "okay" in an unmistakable "if you say so, lady" sigh weighted with weary acceptance of the hassle he's resigned to endure once he receives the inevitable call from his driver saying he is at the wrong house. Because when presented with two possibilities, this guy dismissed the one where there's an error in the notes on a customer account, opting instead to immediately embrace what, in his mind, must surely be what's going on: this lady doesn't know where she lives.

It's The Same Old Story

My Peapod example echoes an old anecdote that's been knocking around the web awhile. The story goes that a delivery driver called for directions because he couldn't find the house. The lady of the house was used to this, as she and her husband lived where unfortunate placement of a one-way street meant that she's had to give the tricky directions hundreds of times over the years. The driver, however, kept cutting her off with retorts like, "That doesn't make any sense. That's a one way street. Can I talk to your husband?" Calmly, as we women have learned is the best way to handle these kinds of men, she repeated the directions again, and then said "Do you understand? Or do I need to speak with your wife?"

What's worse? Being "mansplained at" by someone in the service industry (all hail, the customer is always right, unless you're female), or getting some variation of it on a daily basis from a colleague, one at your same pay grade level, only with less seniority by five years? Because I've got one of those. And each and every single time this guy lends voice or action to his opinion of my inability to perform the most mundane aspects of my job, I have to stop what I'm doing and think about how to handle him. When he comes at me with a blitz attack about something that I have handled (and have been doing so long before he came to work here) I have to actually stop working and manage this man's gargantuan ego. I have told him that he need not worry about this thing, about that thing, I have to use a measured tone in reassuring him that I have control of the situation. I have been as clear as I know how to be. I have even emailed him Rebecca Solnit's article. Nothing has worked so far.

Is it a game, or is this for real? 

Every time this workplace mansplainer barrels through, shouldering me aside to take the ball, I have to stand there and decide whether I grit my teeth and keep the peace, or whether I confront him again and request that he get un-involved in my part of the details. Here's the thing: I am the expert. I've been doing logistics for 20 years. I'm the operations person, I helped set up everything in this company since it was a tiny two-person operation in 2004.

The problem becomes this, quite simply: my job is a hard job. I work long hours and I have a dozen fires to put out every day. But not only do I have my job to do, on top of the workload I bear the extra mental stress of having to work out how to handle all this interrupting, questioning and doubting. I have to be the one organizing my thoughts enough to shut him up in such a way that he doesn't have another "mantrum" like the one he had last time.

Mantrum

I hereby define the word "mantrum" as the tantrum thrown by a "mansplainer" brought about by any woman exhibiting that she knows what she's talking about.

Here's a story. This happened about a year ago. I was at my desk in the middle of creating a group email. So the guy came in for something, and when he saw that I had the group email program open on my screen, he said, "I'll show you how to make a group email." I said thanks, but I know how to do it. In fact, I do it all the time. (Unsaid: In fact, I've been doing it for years before you even came to work here.)

He insisted, "No! You have to do this certain thing, I'll show you!"

Once again, I said thanks, but I already know how to create a group email.

He flipped out. Red-faced with exasperation, he threw up his hands and said, "FINE! If you don't want help, FINE," and then he stamped out of my office and off down the hall. In a huff.

That's a mantrum.

What just happened? Friends, this is a whole level-up in the game of mansplaining. It's of some comfort that I happen to share my office with a colleague-- male -- who is also a friend I recruited to work here and NOT a mansplainer. The stunned expression on his face demonstrated that I'm not nuts. It's real. That red-faced huffer-and-puffer who just stalked out is a champion Mansplainer.
Men explain things to me, still. And no man has ever apologized for explaining, wrongly, things that I know and they don't.
-  Rebecca Stolnit, "Men Who Explain Things," Los Angeles Times, April 2008
Bill

Several years ago there was a building manager who gave me a "mansplanation" so incomprehensible that I still give pause to wondering if there is any way I could possibly have misunderstood him.

One  Monday my boss told me he'd come in to work on Saturday, and found our suite door ajar. He asked if I could try to find out what happened. I called Bill, the building manager, to ask if I could get a look at the security tapes and told him the reason why. Bill informed me that what I was saying made no sense -- that our door couldn't have been open on Saturday morning, because he was there on Saturday afternoon, and he saw our door closed. Well...yes, my boss would have closed and locked the door by then...um...?

"Bill," I said, "Andy didn't...leave it open when he left..."  Bill's response was, "Dear, I told you, I was personally there and the door was closed." Then he told me I could view the security tapes, but only if one of his guys was sitting with me, and they're really busy with real work.

This mansplaining phenomenon is not a new one, but the Rebecca Stolnit article did spark a renewed dialogue among women online, triggering a renewed social media sharing of our common experience handling the special kind of presumptuous self-importance that only mansplainers seem to summon when informing women what they need, what they want, and telling them how they feel about themselves and about the world.

War on Women: How much more evidence do you need?

In the myopic Republican war on women this insanity extends to astonishing comments about rape and reproductive rights, and even extends to the GOP insistence that there is no "war on women" at all. So ingrained is this point of view that there remains a significant portion of the American population that refuses to accept the idea that we willfully perpetuate a rape culture, even as situations such as the Steubenville case exhibit the fallout of just such a culture. There is no rape culture? Get on our side of the fence and say that.

It's 2013, but women still have a problem being heard. Even more insulting than that, we're constantly challenged to provide evidence that there's an actual sexism problem.

Provide evidence?

Even as male politicians spend an inordinate amount of time and resources attempting to regulate our vaginas? They're obsessed with vaginas. They're constantly pounding gavels and pulpits and bibles over vaginas, and attempting to unravel two hundred years of progress under the laughable guise of "family values."

Even as these same vagina-obsessed lawmakers constantly pigeonhole us as sluts, troublemakers and lesbians just for asking for a seat at the table?

Even as the subsequent narrative about the Steubenville rapists coming from the media and the community maintained that these guys deserve leniency instead of punishment since they were unaware they were doing anything wrong?
Having public standing as a writer of history has helped me stand my ground, but few women get that boost, and billions of women are out there on this 6-billion-person planet being told that they are not reliable witnesses to their own lives, that the truth is not their property, now or ever. This goes way beyond Men Explaining Things, but it's part of the same archipelago of arrogance.
-  Rebecca Stolnit, "Men Who Explain Things," Los Angeles Times, April 2008
Mansplaining is the stuff of arrogance at best, oppression at worst, whether it be in a political, professional or personal setting.  At its most trivial, it comes down to one thing: respect. In talking about day-to-day life in America, we're not even including Steubenville and the next-level violence perpetrated upon women. On a day-to-day level, we're just talking about any conversation in which the woman has to deal with men interrupting, ignoring, dismissing.

Of course, there are millions of honorable, respectful and professional men out there. But some of you need to take a closer look, because you may not even realize what you're doing. If you think of yourself as a man who respects  women, yet your reflexive first reaction is to doubt her, then you just might be a mansplainer. You're also the worst kind, because you don't know you have a problem, therefore you're my problem.

The guy at work, he's one of those. He thinks he respects women. But he is unable to hear my voice, both figuratively and literally. He has one of those very loud speaking voices. You can hear every one of his phone conversations all over the office. My voice is soft, I don't tend to raise it. Whenever I begin to speak and he interrupts me, if I keep right on speaking (the professional woman's defense that means "I'm talking now") he just increases his volume. It's gotten to the point where it's easier just to let him talk, wait for an opening and try again.

It's too bad, because although this bullying aspect of his personality is offensive, he also has many qualities that I actually do rely on. I'd have a hard time getting certain projects done without his contribution, and I frequently do need his expertise, advice or input. At those times, I seek it out. The difference between us is that once I get his input, I accept the information he provided, confident that he knows what he's talking about. Maybe one day this particularly aggressive mansplainer will grant me that same respect but, to paraphrase Ms. Stolnit, I won't hold my breath.∎


Monday, August 20, 2012

Dear White Christian Lawmaker: How Are You Getting Away With It?

Dear White Christian Lawmaker,

I just don't understand how you're getting away with it. Has the nation gone so numb at this point that no one is willing to stop you? Have people forgotten that as state leaders you are not endowed with any sort of divine status? Put simply, you aren't actually allowed to legislate based on your personal religious beliefs, signing bills into law based on nothing but scripture. Not any more.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Never Forget Who Broke That Egg

One of my buddies confided that he can't stand it when his other single friends goad him into going "tom-catting around" on a Saturday night. I laughed, because I hadn't heard that expression before, yet it so neatly captures what the vibe of that evening was going to be; but then I felt bad for laughing, because the expression really bothers my buddy, here he was confiding that his dick-swinging trim hunter pals would tease him if he were to say, "hey guys, do we have to be so gross all the time?" A brainy, sensitive type, he would be thrilled to find a long term relationship with a sane woman. But when he's with "the guys" he feels labeled and corny. Group of dudes all out sniffing around.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Look Who Is All Up In My Lady Bits

YEAH, that's gonna be a NOPE from me, y'all.