UnPoPuLar OpiNioNs (Things That Are Not For Me)

Sex while swimming
Nope. Here's a thing that only works in fiction. In real life, having sex in water is terrible on several levels. The physics of intercourse mean you've got water squelching into your va-jay, which washes away the natural lube that makes sex feel good for both of you. It's just no good. Plus WHAT KINDA WATER OH MY GOD? Lake? Ocean? Hot tub? Swimming pool? It doesn't matter, none of that is sanitary. I don't want any of it up in my hooch.

Breakfast in bed
Talk about stuff that only works in fiction! When your loved ones wake you up by delivering a fancy breakfast tray and everybody's all happy. For one thing, don't wake me up. If you're waking me up, something had better be on fire. You can ask my husband, who came up with a general rule he calls "Don't Wake The Sicilian." Plus, I need to pee, brush my teeth, wash my face, and all I want is silence and coffee. And finally, who are these people who want food all up in their beds.

Flip flops
My bewilderment over people who wear shower shoes in the city, as though these loathsome things are real footwear, is well-documented in my current and past blogs. Use the Search.

Beer
As a person who struggles mightily with weight, boy am I glad that I never did develop a taste for beer! Thank God for smallest of blessings!

Pranks / "Practical Jokes"
I always give this example when asked why this "fooling people" brand of humor escapes me. This one time, a friend in LA messaged me with palpable excitement (many exclamation points) with a story about how one of his guitar heroes had complimented his playing. I didn't actually have any excitement myself, but it's polite to respond in kind. If I say "And?" then I'm an asshole. So I replied, "That's great! I'm so happy for you!" Then he replied that he and his girlfriend are cracking up over how "gullible" I am...huh? So...nobody complimented your playing? Okay. I find this to be the perfect example for this brand of humor because it lets me ask this question: what's supposed to be the joke? I guess I don't get it. Every prank-styled "joke" sounds this way to me. Person A says "Thing" and Person B reacts, and then everyone points and laughs at Person B because "Thing" was a lie. I guess I need more brain in my funny, I dunno what to tell you, man. ∎

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Two Cunts on a Friday

I legit felt joy that someone took time out of their day to tweet this. So does anyone have any questions for the mental patients about what we are anxious and depressed about? My Comments are open. @ me all you like.

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SuperLowBudge Radio: The Pete Weiss One

I made you guys another mix tape. Please support local music and art!

Pete Weiss / Tomorrow Sounds
Pete Weiss / Lovin' Wonder Drug
The Gentlemen / Show Me How You Rock and Roll
The Peasants / Forty Lines
The Cavedogs / Tayter Country
Slide / Whipdang!
8 Ball Shifter / Party at the Bottom of the Swamp
Holy Temple Of The Mystic Eightball / 1994

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SuperLowBudge Radio - The Leslie & the Lys One

I made you a mix tape. Please enjoy responsibly.

• Leslie and the Lys/ Tight Pants (Body Rolls)
• Larry Banilow/ Sundae Smile
• Irritating Rainbow/ Goodnight Brewster
• Boeing Duveen & The Beautiful Soup/ Jabberwock
• The Dresden Dolls/ Coin Operated Boy
• Randy Newman/ It's a Jungle Out There
• TMBG/ Your Racist Friend
• Lach/ I Love America (But She Don't Love Me)

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Thrift Stories: the upcycled dolls edition

When I bring home an old cast-off doll to transform into something new and weird, I like to show Joe what I found and tell him what "spoke to me" about the doll. He gets a kick out of the ordinary dolls I find for a buck or two, and what idea I might have for her future life. I go a few different ways with design. Often my up-cycles are pure horrorshow. That's when I turn them into zombies, mummies, vampires, nuns...there's a fair number of nuns, actually. I made a "machine hag" when I found a Barbie who had seen better days, in a pile of thrift store junk, cheerfully sporting one hand., the other hand a ragged stump. She was bald, and had a pretty deep gash on her head. Lawnmower death? I dunno what happened to that gal. Excellent raw material, though.

But they're not all Barbies, often there's just some random cheap knock-off or even figurines that were originally decorative, for holidays or events.

And they're not all converted into horrorshow. I also do a lot of up-cycles that evoke spirit dolls, poppets, witches and banshees. I make use of that nylon doll hair, which can be inked and teased to look like feathers or fur. I'll often pad a doll with cotton to change her shape. Think of the original doll body as armature in these types of creations, built anew using a fabric scraps, yarn, trim, buttons and bits of old broken costume jewelry. I got a lot of awesome jewelry parts, buttons, and beads from my mom when she retired and closed her vintage boutique, and people send me bits and pieces they think I could use. I love to use neck ties, which are often silk, wildly-patterned, and sometimes brand new. Once well-meant dad gifts, now packing a thrift store rack for $2 and half-off on discount days, it's delightful to upcycle those ties into gorgeous gowns, robes and trim.

Today I found a right proper freaky-deaky doll. She cost way more than I generally want to spend on a doll for up-cycling: FIVE dollars. FIVE! But when I got her home and showed Joe, he said, "Jesus, you don't even have to do anything." That might be true. Just clean her up, do her hair and that's all that's needed.

This is already a creepy doll. What the hell is this thing. Anybody know?

There's also the character dolls. These ones start with a baby onesie. That's the little one piece garment that goes on the baby, over diaper and under clothes. It looks very cozy. For my dolls it makes a great starter body. Once I start stuffing the onesie and shaping it with baby clothes, felt and fabric scraps, it always starts to look like something. The "character" emerges based on whatever materials I happen to have on hand.∎

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SuperLowBudge Radio - The Specimen 37 One

I made you a mix tape. 
Please enjoy responsibly. 

• Specimen 37/ Randy and the Gogzies
• Small Faces/ Itchycoo Park
• Bryan Bowers/The Drunk Scotsman
• Primus/Winona's Big Brown Beaver
• Hurra Torpedo/Total Eclipse of the Heart

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