Nope. Here's a thing that only works in fiction. In real life, having sex in water is terrible on several levels. The physics of intercourse mean you've got water squelching into your va-jay, which washes away the natural lube that makes sex feel good for both of you. It's just no good. Plus WHAT KINDA WATER OH MY GOD? Lake? Ocean? Hot tub? Swimming pool? It doesn't matter, none of that is sanitary. I don't want any of it up in my hooch.
Breakfast in bed
Talk about stuff that only works in fiction! When your loved ones wake you up by delivering a fancy breakfast tray and everybody's all happy. For one thing, don't wake me up. If you're waking me up, something had better be on fire. You can ask my husband, who came up with a general rule he calls "Don't Wake The Sicilian." Plus, I need to pee, brush my teeth, wash my face, and all I want is silence and coffee. And finally, who are these people who want food all up in their beds.
My bewilderment over people who wear shower shoes in the city, as though these loathsome things are real footwear, is well-documented in my current and past blogs. Use the Search.
Beer
As a person who struggles mightily with weight, boy am I glad that I never did develop a taste for beer! Thank God for smallest of blessings!
Pranks / "Practical Jokes"
I always give this example when asked why this "fooling people" brand of humor escapes me. This one time, a friend in LA messaged me with palpable excitement (many exclamation points) with a story about how one of his guitar heroes had complimented his playing. I didn't actually have any excitement myself, but it's polite to respond in kind. If I say "And?" then I'm an asshole. So I replied, "That's great! I'm so happy for you!" Then he replied that he and his girlfriend are cracking up over how "gullible" I am...huh? So...nobody complimented your playing? Okay. I find this to be the perfect example for this brand of humor because it lets me ask this question: what's supposed to be the joke? I guess I don't get it. Every prank-styled "joke" sounds this way to me. Person A says "Thing" and Person B reacts, and then everyone points and laughs at Person B because "Thing" was a lie. I guess I need more brain in my funny, I dunno what to tell you, man. ∎
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