RIP Robin

Today I told my therapist that I couldn't stop thinking about Robin Williams. As one blogger put it, when "one of us" succumbs to the depression, it affects all of us. I'm paraphrasing. The point is that this news, that someone with money and success, would be living so far down inside the hole that he opted out, brought me back to months ago when I was on suicide watch. I thought about the darkest days and how it didn't seem like they would ever end, crying all the time and unable to function.

I'm better now. My therapist pointed out that I'm "high functioning" and that I can live a normal life if I just keep taking the meds. But I keep waiting for the meds to stop working, waiting for another psychotic episode -- I can't relax. This Robin Williams news hit me really hard. I feel like if someone with money and success couldn't beat depression that there is no chance for the rest of us.

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I Applied For a Job

I applied for a part time job at a local consignment shop. I don't even know if they'll contact me (my resume doesn't exactly match the job) but I hope they do; I would love to work in a cool, small place. My mom says I was never cut out for the corporate world and it was killing me, Joe says I gave up everything and put my job first always. I guess I did. Fat lot of good that did me. Wish me luck for a callback from the local consignment shop people.

I've been preoccupied with what happens if they do call me. When do I tell them that I'm being treated for depression and anxiety? How do I get through the interview? What should I say? This is what I've been preoccupied with all weekend. I guess I shouldn't worry about it until there's something to worry about.

They probably won't even call.

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