Today was a therapy day.
That's all.
...
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Thursday, May 28, 2020
Wednesday, May 27, 2020
Beautiful Day at the End of the World
All the windows are open and sending warm breezes.
Overheard a nearby neighbor who said: "ARRGHHHhaaahh!"
Now he's singing loud to RUN DMC.
Me too, buddy.
Me too.
#COVID19
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Monday, May 25, 2020
Sunday, May 24, 2020
#ThrowbackThursday: July 2008 MOVIE SPOILERS
On July 22, 2008 my friends started to lob "movie spoilers" at each other. Here's the list.
It was a sled.
It was earth all along.
He WAS Kaiser Soze.
He was dead the whole time.
He's actually Luke's father.
They shoot the dog.
She leaves Rick and escapes the Nazis.
It's people!
She's a dude.
His wife's head is in the box
It...
Saturday, May 23, 2020
Three Ghost Stories
When I was sixteen, we lived in the middle of the woods in a super tiny town in an 1860s house. The whole town was haunted, if you ask me. One day, my girlfriend Renee rode her bike over with her Oujia Board. Dead serious, we were meeting after school for this dead serious ghost session and we were both like, totally dead serious about it...that is how we sounded. Well, it was serious in the sense that we weren't merely fooling around with the...
Thursday, May 21, 2020
The reasons we are weird will become clear to you
Some
of you never wrote a little number above each word in a 500-word essay
to make the point to the 5th grade teacher that assigning word count is
a crime against writing. "So a page?" I had asked. "Five. Hundred. Words," Mr. Flaherty replied icily. I thought the idea was ludicrous but said nothing further. If he wanted 500 words exactly, I figured I'd save him some work by numbering each word.
My fifth grade friend Ken talks about that...
Monday, May 18, 2020
Monday Afternoon
1 I gave myself a new short, flippy haircut this weekend. I was going for Charlize Theron but it came out a little Elizabeth Warren. It'll grow out in a few months to look like what my friend Jenny calls my "real estate portrait." Maybe the next time I go short, I'll buzz one side. I always think I'll do that, but then I think about the in-between time, what's it like growing THAT out? Don't you look deranged for quite a long time? What do you...
Sunday, May 17, 2020
Who Art Thou?
The art that has impacted your life the most since childhood comprises a whole entire pillar of your adulthood. The sum total of what art you have absorbed accounts for an incredibly important part of Who You Are. It's right there in the name: "Art." Art helps each of us "become," and by that I mean stories, pictures, plays, television, puppet shows, novels, games, comics, paintings, poems, comedy, song, dance and music. I imagine Hell is a...
Saturday, May 16, 2020
On The Vital Importance of Hairdressers
Are you sitting down? Because in my experience, people are shocked when I tell them: I cut my own hair. In fact, I'm about to do it again. I've done it hundreds of times. There are Reasons I can do it, but because I do it myself, I had never fully appreciated the tremendous impact on
society hairdressers have! Based on the depths of desperation on social media vis a vis
haircuts, formally genial citizenry are positively freaking out without their...
Thursday, May 14, 2020
Lockdown Notes: Assembling Jigsaw Puzzles
Joe finished our Boston puzzle today. It's a graphic illustration of the city drawn in black and colored in, bearing names of all the landmark buildings and attractions such as Quincy Market, Faneuil Hall and the State House. He finished it so fast.
It feels so strange to finally see this Boston puzzle assembled. The box is like an old friend that's just kind of always hung around. For about a decade it was the only puzzle in the house until...
Wednesday, May 13, 2020
Wednesday Morning
1 At the age of 50, I have discovered that my husband of 17 years is good at jigsaw puzzles. Like really good at jigsaw puzzles. I feel a little weird about it. I thought I was good at jigsaw puzzles. I am not, as it turns out, good at jigsaw puzzles. We may have tapped some hidden talent here. What if this is our ship finally coming in, because I can never do anything the normal way. Is there such a job as Competitive Jigsaw Puzzler Manager Wife?...
Tuesday, May 12, 2020
I Wish I Could Give My Brain A New Battery
Six years ago my brain broke. I had a breakdown, several stays in the mental ward, so much therapy, both one-on-one and in group. Though I've experienced some good periods, for example I held a part-time job for two and a half years, it's been mostly a grim struggle. I have therapy once a week, sometimes more often. I'm on medication. Every day I feel like I have to start all over again finding my way. My settings got out of whack and there's no...
Monday, May 11, 2020
Remember DrawSomething?
Here is a gallery of my favorite DrawSomething drawings from a long time ago when I used to play this game.
...
My Father I Haven't Met
I
see a family resemblance to the 20-year old guy on the far right.
That's my actual father, Ralph Onofrio. This
band was called The Beret Trio, he's the drummer.
Here's me at eighteen.
What do you think, am I an Onofrio?
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Sunday, May 10, 2020
My Mom Will Make Me Take This Down
This beautiful picture of my mom was taken by my Aunt Sharon, at a funeral a few months ago. Grandma Lombardi died. If you're thinking, "Leopard print and red, at a funeral?" you'd need to know that Grandma Lombardi would have loved this look, right down to the red lipstick. The old lady had pizazz and, I think, always liked my mother's style. That's another thing that's great about my mother: style for days. Happy Mother's Day, JoAnna.
I told...
Wednesday, May 6, 2020
Dear Anti-Mask Knuckleheads Strutting Around Outside
BOSTON - Being asked to wear a mask as a courtesy wasn't good enough for you, so now your selfishness had to be countered with a law. As of today, everyone over two years old must be wearing a mask when out in public. You're still fighting about it. What don't you understand? The masks are for the good of public safety, to prevent runaway spread of a goddamn contagious, deadly pathogen for which there is no cure. Over 70,000 people are dead in...
