BLOG

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Throwback Thursday: 1974

I had this blue dress when I was four. I hated that dress so hard, I needed all five senses to hate it with, and maybe another half a sense I made up during a tantrum.

The color reminded me of something gag-reflexingly bad, but I don't remember what that was, exactly. I wonder if maybe I associated the sky blue hue with those "wedding almonds" that my grandma Maggie always had, for some reason, in a bowl in her house. Revolting, yet I had to keep checking to make sure I hated those almonds. For more information on me and my perpetual fatness, see chapters 18 thru 24.

My blue dress was made from stiff, unforgiving material, like it was originally meant for outdoor furniture or shower curtains. I bet if I burned it, that thing would simply melt.

The fabric felt unpleasant to the touch, but that was nothing compared to what it felt like against my skin. Especially around my back and shoulders, it felt like being tickled all day with Brillo pads. The collar scratched my neck.  So uncomfortable! 

Not only was I uncomfortable in literal sense, but I felt totally pantsless every time I had to wear that dress. It was so short! Even though I was only four, I did not approve of these underwear-showing dresses. My underwear were nobody's business. Such a fierce, serious little bambina.∎ 

Related Posts:

  • Generation X Problems When I was little I demanded to know why Goofy wears clothes and talks, but Pluto goes bare and makes dog sounds. Can you DO that? Can you have two dogs in one franchise and only one is anthropomorphic? Were they ever in a scene together? What does Goofy have to say to Pluto? … Read More
  • That's Not A Hoverboard Why is everyone calling those two-wheel things "hoverboards?" Roll. No hover. We're just calling shit whatever now? Then I didn't get a Mazda 3 Zipcar and go to Target to find a new trash can. I got a spacebuggy and went to Narnia to find a Horcrux. You can't just say stuff is other stuff when it… Read More
  • Stop the glorification of "busy." It's OK to be happy with a calm life.@ActionforHappiness … Read More
  • It is so weird when your brain breaks This afternoon from 4 to 6 was 'Friends and Family' day at Joe's workplace. I went over and said hi to a bunch of people, some I'd met before and others I met for the first time. They had cheese and crackers and crudite, beer and wine for the drinkers and a lot of games and entertainment for the … Read More
  • A Bitch In Time I need to sew up some holes in stuff I like. Cuz this is charming. Doles Orchard - Limington, ME … Read More

0 comments: