Infrequently Asked Questions

1. Do you like Blue cheese dressing?

Given the right set of circumstances I would probably blow you for blue cheese anything.

2. Have you ever smoked cigarettes?

Yes, a long loooong time ago, and briefly.

3. Do you own a gun?

Only a glue gun. I also have a tape gun.

4. What flavor Kool-Aid was your favorite?

We were low-sugar / no dye kids. I thought my mommy was the meanest mommy ever for not allowing us to drink a cup of sugar mixed with food coloring. I was like five and I knew the dangers of "Red Dye #40." I cried tears of rage for a week after a fight (I lost) over me getting to have Booberry Crunch. "BUT IT'S NOT RED, IT'S PURPLE!"

5. Do you get nervous before doctor's appointments?

No.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?

Vile pus rockets with zero nutritional value. I still eat about ten Hebrew National hot dogs every summer.

7. Favorite Christmas Movie?

It's a tie between "Trading Places" and "When Harry Met Sally," though it should be noted that I only watch those once during the holidays, while on Christmas I'll watch "A Christmas Story" about five times. More accurately, I'll watch enough parts of "A Christmas Story," which at the time of this writing airs back-to-back for 24 hours starting on Christmas Eve, to equate about five total viewings.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?

Hot coffee, no sugar.

9. Can you do push-ups?

I'ma go ahead and surmise "no" on that one.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?

I have a lot of cheap bling, some vintage, some I made. I like my eyeglasses a lot. 

11. Favorite hobby?

Writing, movie editing, pastel pencil drawing, lately a lot of line drawing done with a Sharpie. Sculpting and molding clay...things.

12. Do you have A.D.D.?

No.

13. Do you wear glasses?

Very much so.

14. Who was your childhood idol?

Willy Wonka, then Boy George, then Dorothy Parker, then it got weird.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.

My mouth is so dry. I wish that San Pellegrino bottle weren't empty. I don't remember Rhea Perlman being on Taxi.

16. Name 2 or 3 drinks you regularly drink?

Coffee, decaf tea, diet Polar Orange Dry. Or diet Orange Polar Dry or Polar Dry Orange. I can't remember right now. It's orange and dry. Wait, it's not dry, WTF?

17. Current worry?

WTF is "dry" about a diet seltzer.

18. Current hate right now?

Still beets and flip flops, I'm a simple gal.

19. Favorite place to be?

Home.

20. How did you bring in the New year?

Bring in, or ring in? In January? We alternate every year between having a big party and having a quiet nite and I forget where we at. On Samhain, it depends. Yep.

21. Where would you like to go?

Vashon Island, Washington.

22. Name three people who will do this.

No idea. Maybe you?

23. Do you own slippers?

I love slippers. Also, I lose slippers at an astonishing rate, so somewhere in this apartment are at least five pairs of frogs, pink bunnies, sock monkeys...But it just so happens that I've kept track of a pair of leopard-print Isotoners for 9 straight months now -- that's a record. In the amount of time it takes other women to make a whole person, I've "given birth" to some adulting by managing to not lose my own slippers...an item which never leaves the house. It's not as though I left them on the bus or something. Where could they all possibly be?

24. What color shirt are you wearing?

Black and pink. I look like a bowl of Good N Plenty.

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?

No. Lite jersey ones in summer and flannel in winter. Hey, "Nights in Light Satin" would make a great satin sheet brand.

26. Can you whistle?

Probably not. Actually I find the sound of most whistling to be extremely teeth-jarringly harsh. I don't only hear it, I feel it in my sinus cavity and teeth. I've never heard anyone whistling where I said, oh hey, that's nice, keep whistling. I've only ever wanted it to fucking stop. (Note: go back and add "whistling" to #18.)

27. Where are you now?

Home.

28. Would you be a pirate?

Not by choice. I do like rum and parrots.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?

I rock a decent Billy Joel set. My "Vienna" gets rave reviews from the imaginary audience.

30. Favorite Girl's Name?

I don't think I have one. I guess when I heard "Madison" for the first time I dug that, but I doubt I'd ever name anybody Madison.

31. Favorite boy's name?

It used to be Andy, but not anymore.

32. What's in your pocket right now?

No pockets at the moment.

33. Last thing that made you laugh?

Joe, for farting like a thunder roll and then asking, "You heard that?"

34. Last thing that made you cry?

The episode of The Big Bang Theory where Howard's mother dies, but that just took my mind off Standing Rock for about twenty-two minutes.

35. Worst injury you've had?

Probably when my intestine burst due to an un-diagnosed case of diverticulitus. That was hurty and almost deady.

36. How many TV's do you own?

One actual TV, but between us we've got a whole bunch of screens that can be a TV at a moment's notice. Devices for channels with channels of channels. Channel. Shit, I said it too many times, now the word has lost all meaning. There's a word for that, but I'll need to look it up.  😼