Sunday, November 12, 2017


For decades, women had been risking their careers and reputations coming forward to tell their stories about being cornered and assaulted by Donald Trump, the tacky New York luxury real estate guy turned TV show host. When the Access Hollywood tape was made public in October 2016, Donald Trump was caught bragging about his self-appointed right to sexually assault any woman that he happened to find attractive. I was like, "People are seriously considering this clown? For PRESIDENT. Of. The United States of America. Well, you can kiss that "United" part goodbye, that's a fact." I got, "Oh, give him a chance." What. Knuckleheads.

This daft, unqualified Republican candidate simply scoffed away the seriousness of these accusations with his usual braggadocio. He appeared in public rolling his eyes and smirking, mocking and denigrating any and all, but especially women, who reported the facts. Any individual who spoke out against his habitual sexual misconduct became a "hater" spreading "fake news." Every crowd of protesters became paid actors or shills for the liberal agenda. Unbelievably, this clumsy tactic worked. He should be in court today, but he is, absurdly, in the oval office. With no experience at all and a cartoonish platform, this buffoon has become the leader of the free world. On a platform of what? There was hatred for Obama, the notion of a wall like something out of a Roadrunner cartoon, and in his own words, "I am very very rich" and "I married a beautiful piece of ass." 

"I did try and fuck her...I moved on her like a bitch."

Donald Trump does something new every day to prove he is the symptom of a sick America. Irrespective of whether or not you "like" Clinton, the crackpot notion that Trump could accomplish even one of her successes makes my head hurt. That was the gargantuan Democratic mistake, that any woman at all would be considered based on her skills, talent or experience. It's a nice idea but that's not the America we have been living in for a long time. You know how you can tell? Open your eyes, for one thing. And start listening to women as though we are thinking individuals with our own rights, and our own agency outside of our man-adjacent status. By that I mean, you're not helping if you finger-wag at abusive men and their supporters by reminding them that we are mothers, sisters and daughters. You know how else you can tell? There are other people on that Access Hollywood tape. Not just Billy Bush, but other people too. Was it alarming to them? No, it was not at all alarming that this man, over six feet tall and thick, is at ease talking about assaulting a woman that they are, at the moment, looking at through the windows of the Access Hollywood van. Maybe women were in there too, trying to work in the midst of all this macho bullshit. 

A woman is an "it" to Donald Trump. 

"Oh, it looks good."

What happened to him? Did he never develop beyond the teenage mindset? Why is it that he boasts so confidently about forcing himself on women? Is it because he honestly doesn't think he is demeaning (at best) or dangerous to women? Only his therapists know what is happening in the brain of a person such as Donald Trump, but anyone can see that Trump regards women as sexual objects. Women exist as mere scenery, to be ogled and rated. Women exist for making him look and feel like an important, powerful man. If they don't, they become the target of his lowbrow, imaginative-as-an-11 year old jabs and put-downs. He is such a bully.

It makes sense to Trump that a woman's worth is measured on a scale of 1 to 10. The numbers attached to his sexual conquests, like his bank account and his ratings, are all that Donald Trump can understand. He loves to cite numbers. He loves to look good on paper. Why else does he keep stating the ridiculous claim that his inauguration was the biggest crowd despite proof otherwise? It's the same reason he keeps touting his financial wins even as noted economists explain that, in reality, his business acumen is about as sharp as a wet piece of toast. But what are facts to Trump supporters? 

Trump has spent his seven decades building himself into a vacuous vessel of greed and freewheeling indulgence. All he has ever known is indulgence. But if he'd had to work hard to get into those same top schools, would he be so unfeeling? If he'd had to go to war, would be be so crass and insulting? And if he were living paycheck-to-paycheck right now, would he have voted for a man like the one he has become? Does anyone respect Donald Trump? Does he respect anyone, or himself? Do people with a great deal of self-respect act this terrible way? 

If he'd had to "win" the love of any one woman through personality and words, would he be such a revolting cur openly and unapologetically taking what he wants and getting away with it

Donald Trump is a mentally under-developed brat who was handed everything he ever wanted and told that he was "the best" since the day he was born. He's a six foot man boy who was never told "No." Back in 2012 Martin Sheen said of Republican candidate Mitt Romney that he's a guy who "was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple." Well, Trump is the guy who inherited the stadium and thinks he invented the whole game. 

The Boy Who Would Be King

Writer/comedian John Mulaney wrote a bit years ago about how Donald Trump is rich in the exact same way a poor person might fantasize over what it would be like to have such unlimited wealth. The joke lands because of the "everything" about Donald Trump. He is his own ridiculous luxury brand, but all the money in the world won't cover bad taste. From the giant white baby grand piano he can't play to the gold plated toilets that no person could ever possibly need in the real world where the rest of us live, the Trump brand is bad old 1980s "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" corny fantasy. While the John Mulaney-imagined poor person fantasizes over having Trump-level wealth, Trump himself fantasizes that all men want to be him, and all women want to fuck him. Because haven't you heard? When you're a star they let you. You can do anything you want. Grab them by the pussy.

Appearances are his stock in trade, personally and in every other part of his life. From his unrealistic tan* to his unruly hairdo, from his TV ratings to his taxes, he is consumed with how he looks. How he looks on camera, how he looks on paper. His preoccupation with numbers presents as a man without substance. He obsesses over the need to be crowned "the best" in every situation -- it never matters what it is, or whether it's even real. Golf courses, casinos -- steaks, even. It was never enough to own a building -- he must put his name on it, huge and in glittering gold, his own tacky monuments to Trump the Great. 

*Do we know what's going on with that, I mean is it like a spray or a tanning booth or like a pill? What gives.

Donald Trump is no great, accomplished man and he lives every single day of his life with the knowledge that he's never earned anyone's true, meaningful respect. That's what makes him so unhappy, and you can tell he's unhappy because he is so goddamn mean. Happy people do not act this way.

Your president is no different from any barstool rando. This guy was blessed by happenstance with a life where he could have matured into a truly great man. He had access to the best education. He had all the benefits and no obstacles. He had the time and resources to travel the world and learn a dozen languages. He could have achieved a lifetime of noble goals worthy of the next Mount Rushmore-level adoration. The worst part is that we now live in an America where there are people who support this clown as though he did do all those things. 

His most manly-man supporters believe in a spotlit Trump character that is powerful and brilliant. They believe that all women must want to fuck him, so if they're "complaining" they're either lying or seeking attention, despite the facts. It is fake news because Trump said so and they won't hear of any other truth but the one they've been fed by this guy. 

So I can't help but wonder: how are we supposed to have a conversation now, Trump guy? You're the America that has curated a Trump in the white house. You did that, and we all let it happen. He's a loudmouth and a fraud, nothing but an educated caveman in a good suit, and that's the chronic insecurity that makes him so cruel and petty. He sits there alone hunched over that gold plated throne of lies obsessing over himself, grunting and rage-tweeting. Mama Trump's golden boy is the Baby King of America now, seated right where he was destined to be all along.

Related: Dear Donald Trump: Thank you! 
Related: The Trump Card


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