The Ranch on Netflix is Terrible

I bailed on The Ranch in less than ten minutes. From here on out, any TV show so bad that it can't make me watch the pilot for ten minutes shall now be referred to as "Worse than The Ranch." Ten minutes is The Ranch Test now.

Nine minutes and 47 seconds I'll never get back. With this cast, The Ranch had a decent shot at making something new. You've got Sam Elliot and Debra Winger, and it felt right to make it feel like a re-cooked send-up of That 70s Show? Really? Then you don't understand that show was corny and cartoonish for a reason, and it worked. But The Ranch tries an approach that's literally as though Kelso and Hyde reunited, on a ranch...in Canada? I thought? But Jenny says no, it takes place in Colorado. I dunno, there was a lot of Canada talk. "They also have Eric's mom and Fes," she said, referring to me saying it's like a That 70s Show reboot, only without the comedy. (I liked That 70s Show).

Because it's got Debra Winger and Sam Elliot I expected something less...canned. I thought it would be a cool dark comedy. But I found nothing charming or even mildly funny. Stupid, predictable jokes. Lots of mugging and over-acting from Danny Masterson and Ashton Kutcher. Debra Winger's phoning it in. Sam Elliot, I don't even know why he took this job.

To make up for lack of a single authentic laugh, there's a raucous laugh track instead --- and it's constant. Only there's no jokes there. That overblown laugh track makes everything feel weird and awkward.

What a fetid pile of dreck. Hard pass.