Saturday, December 31, 2016

Archive: Writing

These are essays from the Diaryland Archive. Each opens in a new window.


...and I couldn't have done it without Mr. Coffee...


Video meliora proboque; deteriora sequor

Thursday, December 29, 2016

The Hitchhiker's Guide to America: 2016 Edition

I am not suggesting that Douglas Adams was like some kind of oracle or anything like that. 'Cuz I totally don't think that. *cough*

If you already know where your towel is, then you're a cool frood and we can totally sass a Pan Galactic Gargleblaster sometime, dude, hey, let me know when you wanna hitch a ride with some Dentrassi, those guys don't give a wet slap about anything but food and drinks and having a good time.

If you do not know where your towel is, well...then...

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Today in Portland
There wouldn't need to be a "policy" to tax CEOs who earn 100x that of their employees if the system worked the way it was supposed to work in the first place. I'm glad they're trying, but does anyone think this policy won't also have some crazy loophole?

These people say "loophole" like it's an Easter egg they happened across to level up in the game of life. Loopholes aren't GOOD things, you know. Loopholes are bad, and they are woven deliberately into the language when they write up the tax policy so that they can be exploited by the highest earners.

That happens, and we all let it. It's bullshit. There is plenty of money for feeding the hungry and sheltering the homeless. The system is set up so our combined pool of taxes lift the poor & unfortunate out of poverty as well as build our roads and schools. But the Romneys and Trumps of the world are gaming the system. Tax shelters are more important to these people than shelters for women and poor children. Until the same payroll tax that we all pay is applied to investment income above $250K, then the rest of us still don't have a fighting chance to get ahead here. But good try, Portland, I hope it works. I truly do. ∎

Volume 1, Issue 2

In his wildly popular sci fi account chronicling the end of the world, Douglas Adams imagines a guidebook to the universe that is so massive it only exists in electronic form, you swipe a screen to access anything you want to know about the entire galaxy. This was 1978, you guys. We had vinyl and 8-track tapes, and the OS of my favorite toy was a light bulb. No, not the EasyBake Oven. Lite Bright — you can paint with light, motherf***er.

Lesser men than Adams have been called "Prophet." Respect.

You Can Panic Now

On the cover, in "large friendly letters," the guide said, "DON'T PANIC." In literary circles, it is understood that expression along these lines has the opposite effect. Essentially, Douglas Adams was saying, "Panic." It's like when you tell someone hysterical to "calm down."

In the guide, along with proving that God does not exist, are other helpful tips for navigating the galaxy, such as how to hitch a ride on a passing star ship and where to get laid while planet hopping on a budget. Also, Douglas Adams has something to say on the topic of dolphins.

Artwork by acidebetta
“Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending destruction of the planet Earth and had made many attempts to alert mankind to the danger; but most of their communications were misinterpreted as amusing to punch footballs or whistle for titbits, so they eventually gave up and left the Earth by their own means shortly before the Vogons arrived.

The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the ‘Star-Spangled Banner’, but in fact the message was this: So Long, and thanks for all the fish.”
 ― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Douglas Adams was writing about the Rapture. Consider "dolphin" as symbolic of intelligent, clever and generally well-liked creatures. Almost magical. Like David Bowie, for example. This isn't something you'll find in Cliffs Notes, but you can trust the stalwart Interpreters of Literature on this one — while you were outside sportsing, we were reading everything and talking about it over our inhalers and various collections of comic books, cards and action figures.

If Douglas Adams was a modern day prophet, it follows, then, that Donald Trump is the symptom of a growing sickness that's been festering since the 1980s. Fareed Zakaria delivered the message that, without an emergency Trumpectomy, the cancer would ultimately destroy democracy. Is it a coincidence that David Bowie died from cancer after an eighteen-month battle? 

Eighteen months from Trump announcing his toxic candidacy, the dolphins began to depart the planet. 

Starman Hitches a Ride

Soooo, mankind might have to come to terms with something right about now: The Rapture happened and we didn't make the cut. 2016 was the end of days. As existentialist philosopher Jean Paul Sarte famously opined, hell is other people. We are the "other people." 

Welcome to Hell

Sorry, dude. We tried. Wanna hang? Netflix 'n chill until the apocalypse? There's nothing you can do. I might as well try those hot Cheetos now. 

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

NBS News, Dec 28 2016

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Sherbert or Sherbet?


Update Jan 10, 2018:
It has come to my attention 
that I was at Stop n Shop 
when I took this photo, 
not Star.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Merry Christmas, everyone.
We put up a quick Joe Show.
Jack & Sally wreath made from
my hula hoop, a Dollar Store greenery, two feather boas and a bunch of ribbons and ornaments.
Oh and the Jack and Sally dolls.
Next year this wreath will hang from October to January.

Friday, December 23, 2016

This year's Christmas card

Losing Your Religion? Consider an Upgrade!

A Short Primer for the Spiritually Conflicted

When you subscribe to a belief system that suggests, in an infinite universe spanning an infinite number of worlds on an impossible-to-know number of galaxies, that nothing has changed in *infinitaliauries, inevitably you're going to encounter a few problems. No one will hold it against you if you find yourself wondering whether or not you should upgrade your religion.

To determine if upgrading is the right choice for you, ask yourself the following questions:
  • What are the risks of keeping everything the same?
  • Will upgrading solve my problems? 
  • Do I know how to perform this upgrade?
  • Is it worth it to replace parts?

Sunday, December 18, 2016

The Star Wars Holiday Special : Merry Gen X'mas

Long ago in a galaxy we 40-somethings refer to as "our childhood," there existed a linoleum-tiled, imagination-fueled, cherry Kool-Aid world of motorized toys and remote control toys and really rad high tech toys like Lite Brite and 2XL.

Some of the time, these toys were entertaining for a solid hour or two. Most of the time, we made our own entertainment. Like Shock Tag. A shag rug, socks on your feet and at least one sibling to shock with your finger is all you needed. A kid in the mid-to-late 1970s America could make a pretty good time out of not-much-at-all.
Our first tablet.

The adults made their own fun, too. They had to -- their shows and news came on TV at specific times on specific channels, and the TV went off overnight. I need you to understand: I don't mean the TV got turned off. I'm saying the transmitter shut down its signal and went to static until morning.

Friday, December 16, 2016

It Was An "I Want Yule" Party

On Saturday afternoon, The I Want You opened for the Weisstronauts' annual holiday bash. Joe and I took the opportunity to host a lovely after party.

e-vite by Edward Gorey & Michelle DiPoala
An "after party" that starts around dinnertime is about my speed. That's not an "aging scenester" thing. Even when I was the right age to head out to someone's basement at 3am after band load-out, I didn't. I pretty much always wanted to go home and jettison my bra and let the silence supercede the deafening ring of rock and banter. I loved going out to rock shows, but my love affair with "silence" burns quietly eternal.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

It's "fuck this shit" out tonite

#brrr #myfacehurts #freezingmyballsoff

Saturday, December 10, 2016

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. - Oscar Wilde

Friday, December 9, 2016

My favorite thing at Christmas

Glen Campbell / That Christmas Feeling.

I say it every year:
Nobody sings Christmas songs like this cowboy.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Company Holiday Gathering

One of the great many benefits of a small company, especially a fierce little start-up, is the chance to make new friends. 

It's a perfect, awesome winter night in the North End. 

Cheers, y'all. 💝

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Smile When You Bless The Gagh!

Some are born dorks. Some achieve dorkness. Some have dorkness thrust upon them.

Today on Deep Space Nine (Netflix), Worf told everyone that the legendary Klingon warrior Kahless had said "Great men do not seek power, they have power thrust upon them." I yelled, "That was Shakespeare, mofo!" Then I messaged Joe this outrage. He was at work. So he said, "I'm gonna go find some lunch." What he meant by that is, "You're a huge dork." Later when I explained in greater detail, knowing that he wanted to hear the whole thing, with pictures and footnotes, he said "You're a huge dork," and then added "...but you're MY huge dork" and made me a cup of green tea.

Santa Is A Klingon

Painting of Kahless the Unforgettable,
from the Memory Alpha Wiki.
"He was the first Warrior King and Emperor of the Klingon Empire."
You guys. I should not be finger-wagging about a Klingon on this, the feast day of Saint Nicholas. That's like watching Rudolph and telling everyone that Santa is a giant, skinny-ass dick. Okay, I DO do that when we're watching Rudolph. Santa is a tool.

The fact is, Saint Nick is our only Klingon saint. Lots of parallels between the works of William Shakespeare and the Klingon ethos, with an extra tie-in around the winter holidays because Twelfth Night is a Christmas play. The figure of Saint Nick is said to have inspired Santa Claus and maybe also Krampus. Compounded, this is a mythical figure who is honorable, yet ruthlessly rigid about the line between right and wrong, one with a beastly nature who is quick to punish those who have acted badly, but who respects and rewards those who act with honor? Can you show me how Santa is not a Klingon?

Fa la la la la, la la, la laaaggghhh!

Who Said It? The Klingon or the Bard?

1. "Great men do not seek power; they have power thrust upon them."

2. "If we are mark'd to die, we are enow to do our country loss; and if to live, the fewer men, the greater share of honor."

3. "Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them."

4. "Today is a good day to die."

5. "Go honor the valiant who die 'neath your sword, but pity the warrior who slays all his foes."

6. "By the doom of death end woes and all."

7. "You cannot loosen a man's tongue with root beer."

8.  "A man cannot make him laugh, but that’s no marvel -- he drinks no wine."

9. "Life every man holds dear, but the dear man holds honor far more precious dear than life."

10. "Honor is more important than life."

Painting of St. Nicolas, our only Klingon Saint.
"Smile when you bless the gagh!"

Friday, December 2, 2016


I usually feel too old for Refuge Cafe.
Every time I go in there I can't help but think of how it used to look as Herrell's, such an Allston landmark.
But the young barista made the hell out of a hot chocolate for me today.
This was like a hot fudgey milkshake.
Well done. 

Hello Kitty

Neighbor kitty.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Throwback Thursday: 1991

College of New Rochelle, New York

Someone sent me this photo. I'd never seen it, but I think it's the stage in Maura Ballroom.
I've got a vague recollection about being one of the students addressing some prospective freshmen,
or maybe it's an alumnae event.
I know it's not a party.
Those were my "not a party' flats and black velvet scrunchie.