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Tuesday, July 26, 2016

The Trump Card

During the long, exhausting year leading up to Election 2012, I was on a mission. I read laws, bills and policy. Every week I read dozens of articles from a variety of news sources ranging from The American Conservative to extremist blogs -- painful, those blogs. I read the CVs and profiles of candidates and justices and reviewed their voting records. I watched CSPAN, CNN, FOX and The Daily Show. I wrote a dozen essays on a variety of hot button issues. 

Election 2016. I can't even, with this shit. Everybody's taking Crazy Pills.


Okay, well -- I'm not completely avoiding the issues. I did read a bunch of sources about what Mizzus Clinton's emails actually said. Found out there were 104 of them, and that it wasn't only her -- there were dozens of diplomats and others that sent emails to her, that she was responding to, and that there weren't many, if any, that actually contained all that much useful info for any potentially nefarious types seeking to learn state secrets. I also found out that the mainstream news isn't covering those officials who are shaking their heads and calling the contents of those emails "overclassified," or the ultimate finding -- that there was never any unauthorized access to the "private server" in question. Nobody saw anything they shouldn't have seen. So...nothing happened.

Is she my favorite? No. The big money shit and the TPP and some other shenanigans are unfortunate, I don't like the sound of her voice (did she always bray like that, it's awful)  (Update, October: Thank God, she cut the shit with the lowered vocal register and the intoning. Now she sounds like a regular woman talking. Good move, Hilz. You do not need to try to sound like a man.)  

But compared to the alternative...? Um, guys? I don't give a shit about her emails. That's just a couple of pixels in the big picture. Big picture? I care about the pompous clown and his dumb wife who don't add up to half a decent person between them. Unelectable.

If I were in a high-powered political mode like I was in 2012, I would be writing strongly worded rants about the minimum skills and experience required to do the job of POTUS. I would be asking why aren't we as a nation looking at this like any Human Resources office in any company. I would be driving home the point by creating a CV for Hillary and The Donald and posting those to illustrate what makes much more of a difference than her stupid emails. That level of depth would take a lot of work. What it would ultimately demonstrate, I can just tell you: Donald and his dumb wife aren't qualified to run the goddamn gift shop at the White House. I'm not joking. They couldn't keep the place going.

I thought Mitt Romney was a dangerous candidate and if put in charge, would have driven the nation right over a cliff. But Mitt's smug superiority, lack of any reasonable notion of what it's like to be middle class or poor, and total disdain for "the 47%" was nothing compared to what this Donald is spewing on a daily basis. In the Republican army of hate, Mitt was a mere minor demon, comparatively.

THIS guy. Off the top of my head -- in the past year he mimicked and mocked a disabled reporter, he called a breastfeeding woman "disgusting," he didn't like the tough questions from debate moderator Megyn Kelly so he attacked her with a sexist menstruation dig about how she "had blood coming out of her wherever," he called Mexican people rapists, he triggered a whole new race war against Muslims, he's gross with his daughter and he's been accused, but won't respond to allegations, of raping a thirteen year old girl. His entire platform starts and ends with this notion of a wall. A concept like something out of a cartoon. Is it gonna say "ACME" on it? Is Wile E. Coyote advising this clown?

It's so impossible to believe that this is the candidate, so much so that serious people are putting forth the theory that's it's all been a ruse. The whole time. That would be amazing. I almost want it to be true.

While people are losing their minds over the VP picks, the Wasserman fiasco, Ted Cruz saying "nuh uh" to The Donald, Chachi, his weird air kisses, his sick tweets, I'm looking elsewhere. No no, I get it. It's all crazy shit. I can't even, with all of it.

But here's the thing. When you put someone into the big chairs, you get the spouse in the deal. Laura Bush ran the Red Cross, Hillary gave health care a shot, Michelle Obama's got the childhood obesity and nutrition thing. Lest we forget Tipper Gore and her coffee klatch of Senators' wives who actually managed to introduce censorship as an actual law, trying (and thankfully failing) to stamp out creative license completely, but only succeeding in getting little warning stickers on certain records if they, the coffee klatch, singly and solely deemed the material inappropriate. This was all because one of the gaggle of wild Gore daughters played Darling Nikki within earshot of her uptight mommy. So not satisfied with just taking Prince away from her own kid, Tipper got the whole klatch to tsk tsk and fingerwag at their husbands and now we have Tipper stickers on Lady Gaga CDs. That happened, and we all let it. Policy by pillow talk.

Like it or not, you do get the spouse in the deal.

You get THE SPOUSE in the deal.
Experience: Putting on and taking off clothing for photos.

You get the spouse in the deal! 
Experience: Being Bill F**king Clinton.

I know he was a dog 20 years ago. But Bill Clinton is a force. Bill is fantastic. I would have voted for Bill again. You won't win an argument with me about Bill.

Bill is going to be the party's trump card. Trump card, I said it.

Hillary is no Bill. But if she's no Bill, then The Donald surely isn't qualified to wipe Bill's ass with the Constitution.

Yet, people are lining up to vote for the guy. Saw a black lady on the news screaming into a camera in support of The Donald. "We need a bizuzz mayan!"

Why? What do you think "a businessman" is, what do you assume that this particular one knows how to do, and in order to benefit who, exactly? This is not a hard nor deep question, Bizuzz Mayan Lady. Answer it. Just make a list of qualifications and hard skills right now. You can't. Because it's a worthless statement, you're parroting something you heard. You don't even know what you're saying. People are buying into this shit, meanwhile you peel back one thin layer and the whole "businessman" premise falls apart.

He's awful.

If I felt like getting into all of the Donald's bad deals, company failures and lawsuits and shady shenanigans that fell apart, bankrupted small companies and ruined lives, I'd need to boost my blood pressure medicine dosage.

Nope. Can't. Not gonna. I need peace. I need quiet. I need cooler heads. I need sanity.

If you think this fool is going to help you and improve America, what you need is a wake up call.

And if you were a Bernie supporter and have decided you're not going to vote Democrat out of some stubborn hatred for Hillary, what you need is a swift kick in the balls.  Edit: I'm not a violent person, so I changed this line. What you need...actually, guys, I really don't know at this point.