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Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Moving Papers Around

See, THIS is the kind of thing that makes me want to just burn all my stuff and walk around the planet with my "desert island" backpack containing five things. Bar of soap, towel, toothbrush, change of clothes and...my ipad.



I know, "ipad" makes no sense for the classic desert island backpack scenario, but I'm a practical girl, and before I said "ipad" I had been planning to pick a book, one book, for the backpack. Only upon further consideration I couldn't imagine settling for just one book. So I amend my scenario to read as follows:
THIS is the kind of thing that makes me want to just burn all my stuff and walk around the planet with a backpack containing five things, and having been paid a million dollars for my brilliant novel and so therefore I can still afford a data plan and can carry around a thousand books digitally on my ipad.

Or maybe a duffel bag. I don't know, doesn't matter, the point is, I am having an increasingly more difficult time finding anything gratifying about work. Forms, forms, more forms.

This week I'm collecting the health insurance plan enrollment forms and waivers from everyone, as it is open enrollment and we need to get all our paperwork submitted.

So there's this form that's required by the commonwealth. It's called HIRD which stands for Health Insurance Responsibility Disclosure.

I only need a HIRD form from any employee that declines to participate in our employer sponsored health insurance plan.

I know for a fact that this form is required for any employee that declines to participate in our employer sponsored health insurance plan.

Know how I know? Because I awoke at daybreak and visited the oracle who translated the message from the heavens to seek the shrine of the divine king where I found the flute of peace that had been stolen from the woodland fairies who were so grateful they gave me a tureen of mead and a seed cake to appease the river queen who played for me a strange hypnotic song upon her harp of mystical health care policy requirements.

Also in red bold letters across the top it says: "You are completing this form because you have declined to participate in your employer sponsored health insurance plan."

After finally collecting all of the enrollment forms from the people who wanted to enroll or change their status, and collecting this HIRD form from anyone that declines to participate in our employer sponsored health insurance plan, I was done.

Except I wasn't. Because the guy who sits at the BIG desk says we need this HIRD from from everyone.

"You mean from everyone that declines to participate in our employer sponsored health insurance plan."

"No, everyone."

"But this form is only for anyone that declines to participate in our employer sponsored health insurance plan."

"No, I need it from everyone."

So basically, he wants me to collect enrollment forms for the people who do want to participate in our employer sponsored health insurance plan, and from these same people, also collect the form that declines to participate in our employer sponsored health insurance plan.

Are you kidding me?  The whole purpose of the HIRD form, the only reason it exists in the world, is for the commonwealth to have a place for employees to make the statement, "I was offered a health  insurance plan and I decline, here is my signature and the date I said that." If the employees ARE participating in the plan, then why would they need the form? Ipso facto, post hoc ergo propter hoc!

Has the whole world gone crazy?

You know what? No. I'm not doing it. These people work hard for a living, they don't need crazy-ass backwards government forms that play riddles. What am I even doing here all day moving all these papers around. What is the point of all this?

Maybe not a backpack or duffel bag. Maybe like a rolling suitcase.

Yes, it's THIS kind of week...

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