Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Happy Birthday, Mary Shelley

Did you know that Mary Shelley was only 16 when she wrote Frankenstein?
She was hanging out with some people on holiday, and, as you do, they all decided to compete
to see who could come up with the best story.
I don't know if she won, because some of the other guests
were people such as Lord Byron and her soon-to-be husband, Percy Bysshe Shelley.
Frankenstein. 16.
What was YOUR last party like?
I made guacamole.
Happy birthday, Mary Shelley.

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Oscar

If, with the literate, I am
impelled to try an epigram,
I'd never seek to take the credit.
You'd all assume that Oscar said it.

- Dorothy Parker

Happy Birthday, Madame Parker

Dorothy Parker.
What a dame.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.

I turned to Joe and said,
"It would have taken about a week to program that light show using 80s technology."
He said, "Other than that, the science is rock solid."

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

My Sinus Problem

Well, this explains a few decades. The black area is a clear sinus.
The other side, where it's mostly gray, is my "chronically blocked" sinus cavity.
Because of my microtia, I may never have known what it's like to breathe right.
My surgery is scheduled for November 8th.
Election Day.

Also I've got a deviated septum.

Thursday, August 4, 2016

When ordinary people try to write instructions

Please do not dispose of paper towels or sanitary napkins in the toilets. Please use the waste baskets installed of the walls of each stall for such. Thank you Management.
Guys, what? The term "sanitary napkin" is hilariously outdated,
and the rest of this sign I can't even discuss.

How about:

Please do not flush
feminine products, baby wipes or paper towels.
Use trash receptacles.

Throwing Back to 1984: Van Halen


From ages 8 to 12, or from the self-titled debut to Diver Down, I was a Van Halen poseur. I pretended to like them, I drew the band logo on my schoolbook covers, and I made my own shirt with an iron-on transfer from the Skate Odyssey shop. You had to get a baseball jersey for an iron-on transfer, or just don't even bother.

In reality I hated baseball jerseys and I couldn't have named one Van Halen song. Why all this pretending? Because like all of us in the gaggle of younger cousins, I wanted to impress our eldest cousin, Dave. Dave was the coolest person I knew. He was a true blue diehard Van Halen fan, and while I was still playing with my Barbie dolls, Dave was old enough to go to Van Halen concerts and get the real shirt and everything. Which I thought was the ultimate pinnacle of supreme badassery. I didn't only want to impress him; I wanted to BE him.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Esprit d'escalier

I love French and German for the supercharged bon mots that have no translation in English. Let's see, ten of my favorites...

Ersatz
Schadenfraude
Klatch
Dreck
Blitzkrieg  

Rapport
Malaise
Deja vu
Soupcon
Esprit d'escalier

Esprit d'escalier is a delightful term. Literally "stairway thoughts," that's when you think of a snappy comeback to a person who's just insulted or embarrassed you, but you think of it way too late, as in when you're already down the stairs. Thanks to Larry David, "esprit d'escalier" does have an American idiom now. Not a direct translation, but try to find anyone who was alive in the 90s that doesn't immediately get it when you say "jerk store."



Monday, August 1, 2016

Another Old Cat Story

Near the end of our ten-year couplehood (but not our ongoing friendship) Hub and I had four cats. It was all my fault. I love cats. The antics of those little buggers made a bunch of excellent stories for my Diaryland diary, including the one reprinted here. It should be noted that Hub and I first met at age 14 backstage at a theatre and worked crew on many shows together. We both have a thing for theatre. Quality theatre.

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